There are two axioms I have found helpful in navigating how to enjoy God’s gifts wisely, in a way that honors him and protects my joy.
1. The use of a thing does not condone its abuse.
Just because God gives a good gift doesn’t mean we can use it however we want.
Christians can forget this when it comes to things like food. Feasting is celebrated in Scripture, yet gluttony (overeating) is quietly tolerated by many today. Rest is a blessing, but can slide into passivity or laziness when we baptize with the impenetrable claim of “self-care.” Social media can genuinely connect us to people or be a legitimate medium to learn or offer wisdom. Yet, using it for endless scrolling, to sooth our anxious, bored souls, or allow ourselves to be discipled by worldly thinking or values is something to avoid.
God’s gifts can be distorted into curses. Good things can be used in bad ways or for bad purposes. To avoid this, reflect on how and why you’re using things you enjoy.
2. The abuse of a thing does not forbid its use.
Equally, many overreact just because something can be misused.
Some believers treat alcohol as inherently sinful, but they fail to recognize the basic truth of Scripture: alcohol is a gift from God, drunkenness is from the devil. Others think money itself is wicked. They think Paul said, “money is the root of all evil.” What he actually said was, “The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Tim. 6:10). Money, too, is a gift that is indeed abused by greedy hearts, but the abuse of a thing does not forbid its use. People abuse the stars by worshiping them, distort sex in all sorts of heinous ways, and murderer with kitchen knifes. Yet, should should we then say that stars, sex, and kitchen knives are evil? Of course not. Because the abuse of a thing does not forbid its use. When we conflate good things with their improper use, we dishonor God by rejecting his good gifts meant for our joy, wisdom, or refreshment.
The ancients coined a term for this impulse: Abusus non tollit usum, which means “Abuse does not take away proper use.” We Americans colorfully recycle it, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” By this wisdom, we’re helped to not respond to God’s gifts with fear unto rejection or license unto folly, but discernment unto life and joy.
It is evil to abuse God’s good gifts. It is equally evil to condemn God’s good gifts. Proceed from there to live wisely and joyfully.
Years ago, I read a pamphlet called, “Christmas in Three Words.” I was blessed and remember it fondly every Christmas.
Today, I had the privilege of preaching at my high school’s chapel and used the framework to deliver the same glorious message in my own way. Here it is.
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How would you describe Christmas if you had just one word? Difficult, right? There’s too much happening: lights, songs, presents, cheesy Hallmark movies, ugly sweaters, or the tube socks you get every year from a weird aunt. Trying to sum all of that up in a single word feels almost impossible.
So today, instead of using one word, I want to describe Christmas in three, because why give one word when you can give three?
1. Christmas Is Historical
The first word: historical. Christmas didn’t begin as a story or a set of traditions. It began as an event. Something that actually happened, in a real place, in real time, to real people.
We get this mixed up sometimes because of all the legends and characters surrounding the holidays. For example, think about Santa Claus. You may not know, Santa is real, but he later got turned legend. There was a real St. Nicholas, but over time, stories about him grew, changed, and eventually turned into what we now call Santa Claus. Fun? Yes. Historical the way we think of it today? Not exactly.
Jesus birth is different. The birth of Jesus, however, didn’t evolve from myth. In fact, the writings of the Apostles has no evidence of myth, but of historical record. It was recorded by real eyewitnesses. The events it speaks about are confirmed by non-Christian ancient writers. It speaks about real government officials like Quirius, Tiberius, and Herod and real governmental activities like the census. Christmas is real. It’s no legend. The story of Jesus’ birth (and the rest of his life) isn’t folklore. It’s history. Christmas is not “once upon a time.” It’s “At that time…” (Luke 2:1).
So accurate are the historical claims of Scripture that Oxford scholar Sir. Dr. William Ramsey said of Luke’s writing in Luke and Acts:
“Luke is a historian of the first rank; not merely are his statements of fact trustworthy, he holds the true historic sense… In short, this author should be placed along with the very greatest of historians.”
The other books of the New Testament bear the same historical nature and reliability. These ain’t fairy tales whipped up in religious frenzy. They’re history. They’re real.
And that matters because it shows that Christianity is actually falsifiable. It makes real claims you can test. You can look for evidence. If there’s no evidence, then there’s no truth to it. If the historical events didn’t happen, then the spiritual claims collapse. If the history is real, the message of Jesus is real. But, if Christmas didn’t actually happen, then nothing else in Christianity really matters.
But, if you investigate the history, be careful, because if Christmas is historical, that means that Christ is Lord and you are not.
And that leads us to our next word…
2. Christmas Is Joyful
Our second word is joyful. This probably doesn’t surprise you. We sing, “Joy to the World!” multiple times, every Christmas. Great melody, big energy. But, have you ever asked, “Why joy? What makes Christmas joyful?
Your mind might go straight to the small joys of Christmas: what we experience. Parties, food, gifts, trees, music, break from school, and elves on shelves spying on you for Santa. These things bring a kind of joy, but they’re small joys. Temporary joys.
God Has Come
The real joy of Christmas isn’t in the things we experience, but the news of who has come. The angels announce it clearly:
“Don’t be afraid! I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem!” (Luke 2:10–11)
Great joy comes not from what’s under the tree, but from who came into the world. The prophet Isaiah explains exactly who this Messiah is 700 years earlier:
“Look! The virgin will conceive a child… they will call him Immanuel, which means God is with us.” (Isaiah 7:14)
Think about that: God is with us.
This is important to hear because some of you think of God as distant, detached, and possibly uninterested in what’s happening in the world, let alone your life. There is a reason for this, but it’s not because God moved, but we have.
Who Moved?
There’s an old story about a husband and wife who, back in their early years of dating, would ride in the man’s pickup truck pressed close together on the old bench seat. But over the years, as life got busy and routines settled in, they slowly drifted apart until each sat by their own window with a big space in between.
One day, while they were driving, the wife looked over and said, “Remember when we used to sit right next to each other? What happened to us?”
The husband thought for a moment, smiled softly, and said, “Honey… I’m not the one who moved.”
I think that story illustrates what many of us have experienced or even are experiencing now. Dryness, distance, and separation from God. But, who is the one who’s moved? We were the ones who walked away from God. We were the ones who created the distance. God created us to know him, love him, and enjoy him forever and we said, “Pass, how about I do things my own way.”
Realizing this, some of you might be thinking, “I’ve messed up. I’ve moved. I’m cooked. God wouldn’t want me.” But this text has good news if that’s you. God didn’t send a text saying, “Find your way back.” He didn’t hand us a list to fix ourselves. He didn’t shout directions from far away. We created a gap and at Christmas, God came to close it. Take joy. God has come.
Like the song says: “Joy to the world, the Savior’s come—let earth receive her King!”
It is joyful news that God has come in history. But, why has God come? That leads to our last word.
3. Christmas Is Needed
Sometimes we answer this question with half-answers: “He came to help your self-esteem,” “He came to tell you He loves you,” “He came to make you happy.” Those things sound nice, and there’s some truth in them, but they’re not enough. They only deal with symptoms, not the real sickness that causes them.
The full answer for why Christmas is needed is this: He came to rescue you from your sin.
“And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21).
Talking about sin doesn’t always sit well during Christmas. It’s a season filled with twinkly lights and peppermint mochas, why harsh the buzz? For some, it’s confusing. You ask, “How does talking about sin fit with a holiday about joy? But the truth is: Christmas joy makes no sense without understanding the problem. The good news of Christmas only makes sense when we understand the bad news of our sin.
Taking God’s Role
Our problem with sin is illustrated well by a story I once heard about a little boy in a school Christmas play. He desperately wanted to play Joseph, but instead he got assigned the role of the Innkeeper. He was not thrilled. But, he came up with a plan.
When the big moment arrived and Mary and Joseph knocked on the door, Joseph asked the famous question: “Is there any room in the inn?” With a huge grin, the boy threw his arms open and yelled, “Absolutely! Tons of space! Come on in!” And just like that, the entire play fell apart. Total chaos.
We’re a lot like that boy. God created the world and wrote the script. Our role is clear: to know Him, love Him, trust Him, obey Him, and enjoy Him. But we weren’t satisfied with that part. We wanted a more important role, His role.
So we tore up His script, climbed into the director’s chair, and tried to run the story our own way. That’s what sin is: pushing God aside and taking His place. Replacing His commands with our preferences. Erasing His truth and writing in our own. Taking the throne as if we are the king of our own lives.
And what happens? Chaos. When we try to take God’s place, everything falls apart: confusion, sorrow, brokenness, and ultimately death. As Scripture says, “The wages of sin is death” (Rom. 6:23). This is the bad news.
The Gift We Really Need
And this is the good news that makes Christmas truly amazing: God has given us a gift. Not a therapist, a coach, or a self-help wizard, but a savior who will, “save his people from their sins” (Matt. 1:21). One pastor said it this way:
“If God had perceived that our greatest need was economic, he would have sent an economist. If he had perceived that our greatest need was entertainment, he would have sent us a comedian or an artist. If God had perceived that our greatest need was political stability, he would have sent us a politician. If he had perceived that our greatest need was health, he would have sent us a doctor. But he perceived that our greatest need involved our sin, our alienation from him, our profound rebellion, our death; and he sent us a Savior.” D.A. Carson
This is why Christmas is needed: Jesus came to save sinners by living and dying in the place of sinners. Jesus is not a therapist, coach, or self-help guru. He is the Savior of sinners. Christmas isn’t just something that happened before you. It’s something that happened for you. He came not to merely give you what you want, but what you need.
So Christmas in three words? God came to us in history. God is with us for our joy. God offer needed salvation from sin us through his son.
Give & Receive This Christmas
This Christmas, I hope you give gifts. That reflects God’s generosity. But, infinitely more than that, I hope you receive His gift: the historical gift of joy that he offers you in Jesus, the Savior of sinners. If you receive that gift and trust in Christ as the Born and Risen Savior, you’ll finally be able to sing with absolute sincerity, “Joy to the world, the Lord has come. Let earth receive her king!”
I am unapologetically pro-life. You should be too. Every human life is precious at every stage, from womb to tomb. Because we are made in the image of the glorious God, every person possesses unshakable worth and is owed life, liberty, and the pursuit of joy in Him. To intentionally kill an innocent human being is evil, full stop.
Pro-choice advocates disagree. They argue that a woman has the right to kill the unborn child within her. Their justifications vary, but nearly all of them depend on one crucial assumption: the unborn are not human beings. If the unborn are merely tissue, then abortion is no more morally significant than removing tonsils or pulling wisdom teeth. But if the unborn are human, and they are, then abortion is the deliberate killing of a defenseless, innocent person.
I believe the pro-choice position is deeply wrong. Many who hold it may not be malicious; they are confused. Confusion does not erase responsibility, but it does explain how sincere people can embrace such a destructive idea.
The Strange Gift of Pro-Abortion Arguments
Still, the pro-choice movement gives us one strangely useful gift: it provides endless examples of logical fallacies. A logical fallacy is simply an error in reasoning. Pro-abortion arguments rely almost entirely on these errors. Their case only works if their audience fails to notice the tricks.
What follows are some of the most common and most foolish fallacious arguments used to defend abortion.
“No uterus, no opinion” (Genetic Fallacy)
A genetic fallacy dismisses a claim based on who makes it rather than whether it is true. This slogan rejects an argument about unborn human life simply because it comes from a man. But whether abortion kills an innocent human being does not depend on the speaker’s anatomy. Truth is not determined by the arguer’s gender, so this move avoids the issue entirely.
“My body, my choice” (False Analogy / Question Begging)
This argument relies on a false analogy. It treats abortion as if it involves only one body, the pregnant woman, while completely ignoring the separate, living human inside her. Choosing what to do with your own body does not give you the right to intentionally kill another person. The unborn is not part of the mother’s body in the way an organ or a tumor is. This slogan assumes the conclusion it should be proving (i.e. question begging): that the unborn has no independent value or rights. It avoids the real moral question, “What about the babies body?” by confusing the body of the child with the body of the mother.
“I am personally against abortion, but I do not have the right to tell others what to do” (Self-Contradiction / Category Error)
This claim contradicts itself. If abortion is wrong, then it is wrong for everyone, not just for the individual who happens to feel that way. No one says, “I am personally against abuse, but I should not tell others not to abuse.” Moral are not private preferences (i.e. category error). This argument also assumes moral relativism, the idea that right and wrong depend on personal opinion, yet it smuggles in an objective moral judgment by claiming abortion is wrong. It collapses under its own weight. If killing the unborn is truly wrong, the only reasonable response is to oppose it for everyone, especially for the vulnerable human who cannot defend himself or herself.
“You want to control women’s bodies” (Ad Hominem)
An ad hominem attacks the person rather than addressing the argument. Instead of engaging the moral question, “What is the unborn?” this response smears the pro-life advocate’s motives. It pretends the debate is about controlling adult women rather than protecting the distinct human being in the womb. It avoids the actual argument by attacking the arguer.
“It’s just a clump of cells” (Begging the Question)
Begging the question assumes the very point that must be proven. Calling the unborn “a clump of cells” simply presumes it is not a human being, which is precisely the question at stake. Biology shows the unborn is a living, whole, developing human organism. The slogan assumes its conclusion and then uses that assumption as its argument.
“No other law controls what people can do with their bodies” (False Analogy / Begging the Question)
This fallacy rests on a false analogy by pretending abortion is merely about a woman’s body. But the moral concern is about the other body inside her: the unborn human. The claim ignores this second human and then argues as if only one body is involved. This also is a great example of question begging in that it assumes the very point in dispute. It compares abortion to ordinary bodily-autonomy laws while overlooking the unique reality that another human life is intentionally ended.
“What about cases of rape?!” (Red Herring)
A red herring (named for stinky fish that would take hunting dogs off their sniffing trail) distracts from the main issue by bringing up an emotionally charged, but separate, concern. Rape is horrific and evil. But, how a baby was conceived tells us nothing of whether the unborn is a human being with the right to life. The appeal shifts the discussion away from the central moral question, “What is the unborn?” and toward an emotionally weighty, but ultimately irrelevant tragedy.
“This will cause women to die” (Category Error / Appeal to Emotion)
A category error confuses two fundamentally different kinds of things. Abortion is the intentional killing of the unborn. Emergency medical treatment, like treating an ectopic pregnancy, aims to save the mother’s life, even if the child tragically cannot survive. The aims, methods, and moral categories are entirely different. Abortion is never necessary to save life and only intends to kill it. To lump emergency care into the category of “abortion” is to treat entirely different activities as though they were the same.
“If you don’t like abortion, don’t have one” (Non Sequitur)
A non sequitur is a conclusion that does not logically follow from the premise. This statement treats abortion like a preference (e.g. your favorite ice cream flavor), not a moral issue. If abortion kills an innocent human, then “just don’t do it yourself” is irrelevant. Moral wrongs don’t become acceptable simply because someone chooses not to participate in them.
“The fetus can’t feel pain until later, so abortion before that is fine” (Red Herring / Arbitrary Standard)
This argument shifts the focus to pain, which is something never used to determine whether born humans deserve protection. People under anesthesia, or the permanently unconscious may not feel pain, but they still possess human value. The argument introduces a standard created out of thin air that avoids the real question of human identity.
“Abortion should be allowed because some children will be born into poverty” (Appeal to Consequences / Begging the Question)
An appeal to consequences argues something is true or morally acceptable because of the potential outcomes. Poverty is tragic, but humans do not lose their right to life based on economic conditions. Who would kill a two year old because their poor and life will be hard? Killing the poor is not a moral solution to poverty. The argument tries to justify a moral wrong based on predicted hardships. Also, it again assumes the unborn are not people, so question begging.
“Banning abortion forces women to remain pregnant” (Straw Man)
A straw man misrepresents an opponent’s position so it can be easily dismissed. The pro-life view is not “forcing pregnancy,” but recognizing that pregnancy already involves a second human being with rights. The issue is not forcing something to happen but preventing something (i.e. the intentional killing of an existing human life) from happening. This claim distorts the pro-life position into something it isn’t to make it easier to dismiss.
“If abortion is banned, people will get unsafe, illegal abortions” (Appeal to Fear / Question Begging)
An appeal to fear tries to win the argument by scaring rather than reasoning. Whether abortion harms women does not answer the moral question of whether abortion kills an innocent human (again, question begging too). The possibility of someone doing something dangerous illegally does not make the act itself morally permissible. It is dangerous to murder police. Does outlawing that in order to protect the offender make sense to you?
“Women need abortion to be equal to men.” (False Premise / Circular Reasoning)
This argument assumes equality requires the ability to kill the unborn. It circularly defines equality as “freedom from pregnancy” and then concludes that abortion provides that freedom. But true equality is not achieved by eliminating another human being. The premise is false, so the conclusion collapses.
“You can’t impose your morality on others.” (Self-Refuting Claim)
This is self-defeating. It refutes itself with nothing more than being said. Saying “You can’t impose morality” is itself an attempt to impose a moral rule on others. All laws impose morality. All laws against assault, theft, abuse, discrimination, etc. are imposing morality on people and I think we should be cool with that. The real question is, “Is killing the unborn immoral?” This claim destroys itself the moment it is uttered.
“Most Americans support abortion, so it should be legal.” (Appeal to Popularity)
Even if it were true (which is a big “if”), it doesn’t make it right or wrong. An appeal to popularity says a view is correct because many people believe it. But truth and morality are not determined by public opinion. Large majorities have supported deeply immoral practices in the past (slavery, segregation, eugenics). Moral realities don’t change with the polls.
A House Built on Fallacies
At the end of the day, every pro-choice argument collapses under the weight of one simple question: What is the unborn? If the unborn is not human, no justification for abortion is needed. If the unborn is human, no justification for abortion is adequate. The science is clear. The philosophical case is strong. The testimony of God’s world and God’s Word is unmistakable. From the moment of conception, we are dealing with a living, whole, distinct human being.
The pro-abortion position is built exclusively on logical fallacies. It cannot stand on truth so it leans on confusion. It cannot face the facts so it hides behind slogans. Once the fallacies fall away, the position collapses.
Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.” The same is true here. No amount of emotional language or rhetorical sleight of hand can change what abortion is. Human life is worth defending, especially when it is small, silent, and hidden from view.
So the pro-abortion argument is confused, built entirely on error, and always produces evil. Yet it offers one useful thing: a masterclass in logical fallacies, showing us what to avoid as we train our minds to live by truth.
Sometimes people get confused about what kind of worship is pleasing and acceptable in God’s eyes. We end up quietly exchanging God’s standards for other standards. When that happens, we may walk away from a worship gathering feeling pleased, even if God may not be.
Let’s look first at how many people commonly evaluate worship, then at how God evaluates worship, and finally at what this means for how we look at church worship gatherings today.
How Many People Evaluate Gathered Worship
1. The Quality of the Music
Many people put enormous weight on the musical quality of a worship service. If the singers are tight, the instruments are face-melting, and the overall sound is dialed in, then God must surely be present. But if the singer is sometimes off-key, there’s only one acoustic guitar, and the sound system occasionally crackles, then the worship, as the kids say, is mid.
Of course, music matters. Scripture commands us to “play skillfully” (Psalm 33:3). It’s also good to do things with a certain excellence. But excellence in music or method is not the measure of spiritual substance. God is not impressed by what merely impresses us.
2. The Uniqueness of the Experience
Others evaluate worship by how “special” or “intense” the gathering feels. If people are crying, clapping, shouting, swaying, or singing loudly enough to lose their voices, then obviously the Spirit is moving. But if the congregation is still, tearless, or quieter, then something must be wrong. Maybe we’re “quenching the Spirit” (1 Thessalonians 5:19), they think.
But Scripture never equates visible intensity with spiritual reality. Some of the most God-honoring responses in Scripture are fear, reverence, or silence (Habakkuk 2:20; Psalm 46:10). Ordinary or mundane does not equal unspiritual.
3. The Power of the Emotions
I once heard a student describe a worship night as “just okay.” When I asked why, she said:
“The Bible teaching was good and we sang and prayed and read Scripture, but I didn’t cry. I love to feel God’s presence that way, and it didn’t happen this time.”
For her, worship was good only if it “hit her in the feels.” She is not alone. Many assume that if we truly meet God in worship, we must feel something deep and dramatic. But while emotions absolutely have a God-given place (see the Psalms!), Scripture never makes intense feelings the test or object of genuine worship. God is glorified when our hearts delight in Him and His Word, but He is not honored when we chase an emotion instead of Him.
4. The Adherence to Tradition
All of us come from some tradition. We all have a bias toward a worship style we prefer or think is “right.” For some, it’s altar calls, open sharing, “words from the Lord,” fog machines, lasers, and big screens. For others, it’s robes, choirs, pipe organs, hymnals, and a liturgy long enough to wallpaper the fellowship hall.
Whether old-school or cutting-edge, many people judge the quality of worship by how closely it aligns with what they’re used to. Yet Scripture warns us not to “teach as doctrines the commandments of men” (Matthew 15:9). You can have your preferences, but you may not want to have them cause you to miss out on God’s grace only when it is dressed in different clothes (or robes) than you’re used to. Personal preferences aren’t a great standard for evaluating worship offered to the living God.
How God Evaluates Gathered Worship
If we want to please God, we need God’s standards. Thankfully, God is happy to instruct us about the worship that pleases Him.
1. The Posture of the Heart
God told Samuel, “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Jesus later said that worship rooted in external show without internal devotion is hypocrisy (Matthew 15:7–9). Where we often look on the outside, God looks on the inside.
Think about how you decide what cup you choose to drink from. You’d probably pass on drinking from a mug that is clean or even beautiful on the outside if it was filthy with sludge or mold on the inside (Matthew 23:25–28). So God rejects any “worship” offered by hearts that aren’t seeking to know, love, and obey Him. No matter how good the band, how eloquent the prayers, or how intense the emotions, if the heart is cold or divided, God says, “pass.”
2. The Soundness of Doctrine
God is the God of truth. He reveals Himself in Scripture so we may know Him as He really is, not as we imagine Him to be.
It’s no surprise, then, that Paul repeatedly urges Christians to pursue “sound doctrine” (Titus 1:9; Titus 2:1; 1 Timothy 1:3–4; 1 Timothy 4:6; 2 Timothy 4:2–4). Doctrine isn’t an optional accessory to our worship, it’s the content that fills our worship. What good is beautiful music if the lyrics contradict God’s Word? What good is an emotionally electric sermon if Scripture is twisted to say what the preacher wants? So, we want to learn to ask, “Do the words we offer God in worship match the words God gives to us in Scripture?”
God desires worship filled with truth (John 4:24). Worship that is biblically empty, shallow, or distorted, even if musically or emotionally impressive, is not pleasing to Him nor should it be to us.
3. The Faithfulness of the Expressions
Historically, Christians have used the term the regulative principle of worship to describe what God expects from gathered worship. The idea is simple: We worship God in the ways He commands, not in the ways we invent.
Instead of trying to entertain people with dancing, skits, flag-waving, slam poetry, or live painting during the songs, churches that follow Scripture’s pattern devote themselves to what God has actually commanded:
Read the Word (1 Timothy 4:13)
Preach the Word (2 Timothy 4:2)
Pray the Word (Acts 2:42; 1 Timothy 2:1)
Sing the Word (Colossians 3:16; Ephesians 5:19)
See the Word in the ordinances (Matthew 28:19; 1 Corinthians 11:23–26)
Worship is not a “choose your own adventure.” It is loving God in the ways He has commanded.
This makes sense, does it not? After all, if worship is ultimately for God, shouldn’t it be done in the way He wants?
4. The Transformation That Results
One final measure: Does the worship of the church actually change us?
Paul tells the Romans that true worship comes from and expresses itself most deeply in increasingly transformed lives (Romans 12:1–2). James says the same (James 1:22–25). Jesus says hearing God’s Word means nothing if we don’t obey it (John 14:15; Luke 6:46–49). What good is it to sing loudly, pray sincerely, and listen attentively if we leave and live like those who don’t know God?
God-pleasing worship produces:
deeper knowledge of Scripture
greater thirst for righteousness & affection for God
stronger commitment and desire to build up the church
increasing obedience
genuine repentance
growing trust in Christ
It is wonderful if worship is making you feel things and experience things, but is it resulting in you becoming more like Jesus in how you think, act, and desire? Don’t first ask, “Am I feeling?” but, “Am I growing?” If week after week our worship pleases us without changing us, something is off.
What This Means in Practice
With this, we can begin to see church worship gatherings through a different lens than mere appearance.
Extraordinary, Yet Unfaithful
There are churches that check every box in the first list: excellent music, unique experiences, big emotions, beloved traditions. Yet they miss God’s standards almost entirely. These are churches that many people love, but God absolutely hates. Amos 5:21–24 gives a sobering example of this kind of worship. Speaking through the prophet, God declares to Israel:
“I hate, I despise your feasts, and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them… Take away from me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps I will not listen.” (Amos 5:21–23)
Israel’s worship gatherings were full of music, ritual, emotion, and activity. Their songs filled the air. Their ceremonies were impressive. Their offerings were plentiful. And their worship felt powerful and sincere to them. But God rejected every bit of it.
Why? Because, as He says in the very next verse, what He wanted from them was not louder singing or better gatherings but faith that resulted in obedience and righteousness:
“But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.” Amos 5:24
Israel’s worship was vibrant, but their lives were corrupt. They sang passionately, but they had no love for God. They brought offerings, but they ignored God’s commands. In other words, they were worshiping a god of their own imagination; a god who was fine with religious excitement but indifferent to holiness. They were worshiping a god, for sure, a god of their own imagination and not the God revealed in Scripture, at least not in a way He accepts. God says that kind of worship, no matter how emotionally moving or musically excellent, is hateful to Him.
Faithfully Ordinary
There are also churches that don’t shine in the first list, but hit the marks of thesecond list. They don’t have lasers, perfect sound, dynamic personalities, or impressive emotional experiences. Many people roll their eyes when they attend these worship services or avoid them altogether. Yet God delights in these humble, ordinary, and faithful churches because they’re after what God is after. Their worship isn’t flashy, but it is filled with truth, heartfelt devotion, obedience, and genuine transformation. God sees them like I see my favorite coffee mug at home: slightly drab and cracked on the outside, but wonderful to hold and delicious and clean to drink from.
When you evaluate worship (your church’s, my church’s, or any church or Christian gathering) make sure you’re using God’s standards, not your own preferences, feelings, traditions, or childhood memories. Be blessed if your church has things checked off on the first list, but seek and expect first the marks on the second.
After all, though worship benefits us tremendously, it is ultimately not about pleasing us, but Him.
Some folks use Jesus’ confrontations with the Pharisees to argue that Jesus was against organized religion. They wield these interactions as a club to beat down anyone who articulates theological truths, practices religious rituals, or draws lines between what’s good and bad. They claim Jesus hates religion and so should we.
But, there are two notes to make about this. First, it’s wrong. Natasha Crain explains:
When people appeal to Jesus’ exchanges with the Pharisees to somehow show that Jesus didn’t approve of “organized religion” or “religious leaders,” they’re completely missing the context of those exchanges.
Jesus wasn’t against the Pharisees because they were religious or religious leaders. He never said or implied that becoming irreligious would solve their problems. Rather, it was their self-righteousness, legalism, hypocrisy, and rejection of himself that Jesus condemned. He wanted them to be “religious” in the right ways, not give up “organized religion.”
Jesus participated in and validated many aspects of the organized system of beliefs—religion—that the Jewish people had. He went to the synagogue on the Sabbath (Luke 4:16); taught in the synagogue (Mark 6:2); considered what we now call the Old Testament to be God’s Word (Matt 15:3; Mark 7:13); and observed Jewish religious traditions such as Passover (John 2:13), the Festival of Tabernacles (John 7:2, 10), and the Festival of Dedication (John 10:22).
Jesus said Peter would be the rock on which he would build His church (Matt 16:18). He gave specific instructions for practicing faith in what would come to be known as the Christian religion. Examples could be multiplied, but as we can see, there’s no need to separate Jesus from religion that is TRUE. Christianity is simply the name for the religion whose beliefs center on who Jesus is and that calls us to know, worship, serve, and obey him.
Jesus loves organized religion that is based upon faith and obedience to His words.
The second thing to note is the irony. Those who loudly condemn others as “Pharisees” for caring about doctrine or practicing historic Christianity often end up committing the very error Jesus condemned in the Pharisees. They twist God’s Word to say what they already want it to say instead of humbly seeking, learning, and submitting to him as Lord and His Word as authoritative. They don’t reject Phariseeism, they repeat it.
I think (I hope) all Christians know gossip is sin. If you don’t, read the Bible for like 5 seconds (Psalm 34:13; Proverbs 10:26; 15:4; 18:13; Ephesians 4:29).
What exactly is gossip, you may ask? I like Matthew Mitchell’s definition, “Gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back from a bad heart.” Its content is sensitive or negative. Its manner is secretive or subversive. Its source is an evil heart with evil motives. Nasty stuff.
Gossip is not only nasty. It’s incredibly destructive. It twists the truth as our reports often get exaggerated in the retelling. It erodes trust by causing people to wonder about what you say about them in their absence. Gossip harms reputations by spreading accusations the person can’t possibly defend themselves against. It divides relationships by planting suspicion and causing resentment. Even more, gossip poisons your own heart by training you to focus on or search out flaws instead of believing the best of others. Of all the sins that can destroy us, our families, or our churches, gossip is high on the list.
A good question follows, how do we know we’re gossiping and not just having appropriate conversation? Sometimes we need to speak about the sensitive issues others are dealing with. Sometimes bad news is important to share, even in the absence of the person in question. How can I tell the difference between appropriate conversation about sensitive issues concerning others and gossip?
Questions to Ask Ourselves Before We Speak of Others
Whether you want to talk with a co-worker, friend, fellow church member, pastor, or spouse, here are a few questions that will help you discern when gossip is possibly afoot.
Why do I want to share this?
Your motive is a major clue. Ask, “What do I want my words to accomplish?” Are you seeking wisdom for a hard relationship or just the pleasure of “spilling the tea”? Are you aiming at the other person’s good or trying to bond a relationship over juicy news? Normal conversation informs, encourages, corrects, or counsels. Gossip aims at personal pleasure, personal street cred, or someone else’s pain.
Is this necessary?
Is this information truly essential to the person you’re telling? Do they actually need it in order to love, protect, support, or pray for someone? If the information doesn’t equip them to do good, then it doesn’t need to be shared. In most cases, if it doesn’t help them act in love, it’s better left unsaid.
Will this help or harm the person?
Does sharing this make the person look worse without giving them any chance to respond? Will my words honor or harm their reputation or relationships? Remember Paul’s wisdom, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” A pastor once noted, “The greatest threat to a typical church is not the adulterer but the gossip, who may be outwardly blameless but is inwardly ravenous.” Ask, “Are these building or breaking words?”
Would I say this in front of the person?
I had a seminary professor who wisely said, “Flattery is saying something to someone’s face that you’d never say behind their back. Gossip is saying something behind someone’s back that you’d never say to their face.” If you’d change your tone, soften your words, or avoid the conversation entirely if they were present, that’s a check engine light.
Am I planning to speak to the person?
Jesus told us that when someone sins against us we should, “go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” (Matt. 18:15). I love this because it shows he cares about us being sinned against and equally cares about the reputation and relationships of the person who sinned against us. Notice, he says go and tell him his fault, “between you and him alone.” Gossip flips the script. It leads us to tell everyone what we perceive to be their fault except the person in question. If you aren’t willing to talk to someone, don’t talk about them.
How will this affect the listener?
A forgotten victim of gossip is the listener. If they’re gossiped to then their views are distorted, their judgments warped, their feelings manipulated, and their ability to care hindered by the delectable secret words we share. You may be upset at or seek the harm of the person you want to speak about, but why hurt your listener too? The question we earlier applies to the listener as well, “Will these words help, hinder, or harm them?”
Would I feel fine if the listener told others I shared this?
A major red flag of gossip is when we say, “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but…” If we want our words to remain a secret then it’s likely our words are evil or we’re sharing information that is not ours to share. But, Luke 12:2–3 reminds us that even when we think no one finds out about our gossip, it will someday be revealed. As a rule, assume whoever you speak with will publish your conversation with your name writ large on Facebook and speak accordingly.
Am I the right person to talk about this?
There will be things that happen in your circles that you care about, but have no ability to do anything about. If you hear about someone’s marriage struggles or home life tensions or other sensitive information, that doesn’t mean it’s your information to share. If you’ve no place or way to help with a situation, then pray about it, but don’t gossip about it.
What If Someone Is Gossiping to Me?
Keeping ourselves from gossip is one essential habit we must cultivate for love’s sake. Keeping others from gossiping is a second, equally important duty. Here are some ways how.
1. Accept Your Responsibility to Stop Gossip
If someone starts to gossip with you, you must understand it is your responsibility to stop it immediately. For your sake and theirs, cultivate a reputation as someone who doesn’t tolerate gossip. A culture of truthful, loving words at work, church, or home can only grow when we refuse to share and listen to gossip. Allowing gossip is just as harmful as participating in it.
2. Remind Them of Their Responsibility to Not Gossip
When someone begins to share gossip with you, learn to ask, “Have you talked to this person or do you plan on talking to this person?” If they say no to either, then respond, “Then I don’t think you should be sharing it with me or anyone else.” It sounds harsh. It will feel awkward. It may offend them and cause some tension, but it’s worth it. Think of how you’d want someone to respond if they heard gossip about you. Would you not feel loved that they shut it down firmly? Remember, we should love the innocent by protecting them and love the sinner by rebuking them. It is cowardly and cruel to both the gossiper and the gossiped about to allow gossip to go on unchecked.
3. Help Them Understand What Is and Is Not Gossip
If the person doesn’t realize they’re gossiping, gently ask some of the questions above. If it was unintentional, they’ll likely appreciate the insight. If it was intentional, you’ve shown them tough love. Will it stop them from gossiping to others? Maybe, maybe not. But at the very least, it makes them aware of what they’re doing and that it’s wrong. Do your part, and let the Holy Spirit handle the rest.
4. Remember, Gossipers Gossip About Everyone, Including You
Maybe one more insight is needed. It is easy to forge bonds with people through the ugly glue of gossip. We feel we’re on the inside circle. It’s a thrilling sensation when people share weighty secrets with us. It feels good, like heroin (I imagine). However, cure yourself of the desire to accept someone’s sinful confidence by remembering, “If they’re willing to gossip about others, they’ll be willing to gossip about you.” Is that the kind of friend you want? If someone recognizes and repents of their gossip, be gracious and willing to build trust if they continue to stay away from it. But, learn to avoid those with unrepentant wagging tongues for your own sake and the sake of those you love.
Mark Twain once quipped something like, “A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can get its pants on.” Your tongue is a beautifully powerful thing able to bring life or cause death. Satan and his kin wield words to distort and destroy (John 8:44). God uses his words to create and build (Genesis 1). Brother and sister, remember who your father is and talk like him.
In the play, “Doubt: A Parable,” Father Brendan Flynn delivers a sermon where he shares a parable on gossip that’s been tattooed on my mind ever since I first came across it.
A woman was gossiping with a friend about a man she hardly knew – I know none of you has ever done this – and that night she had a dream.
A great hand appeared over her and pointed down at her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt.
The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O’Rourke, and she told him the whole thing. “Is gossiping a sin?” she asked the old man. “Was that the Hand of God Almighty pointing a finger down at me? Should I be asking your absolution? Father, tell me, have I done something wrong?”
“Yes!” Father O’Rourke answered her in his strong Irish brogue. “Yes, you ignorant, badly brought-up female! You have borne false witness against your neighbor, you have played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed!”
So the woman said she was sorry and asked forgiveness.
“Not so fast!” says O’Rourke. “I want you to go home, take a pillow up on your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me!”
So she went home, took a pillow from the bed, a knife from the drawer, took the fire escape to the roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old priest as instructed.
“Did you gut the pillow with the knife?” he says.
“Yes, Father.”
“And what was the result?”
“Feathers.”
“Feathers?” he repeated.
“Feathers everywhere, Father!”
“Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out on the wind!”
“Well,” she says, “it can’t be done. The wind took them all over.”
“And that,” said Father O’Rourke, “is gossip!”
Our words spread farther and faster than we know. As James has taught us, our words cause greater damage than we realize (James 3:1-12). Solomon said, “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Our tongues hold the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). So when you’re tempted to speak about something or someone in your circle, pause and ask, “If these words spread far and wide, will they build up or tear down; kill or give life?” Then move forward with love and caution.
Yesterday, I wrote about common masculine sins. Today, I’d like to write about pitfalls common to the ladies, the sins familiar to the feminine kind. As I started to prepare for this piece, I noticed something unusual.
Are Women Off-Limits?
I shared with a friend that I was planning to write this post. His one word response was, “Gnarly.” I totally understood why.
I had no problem writing about the sins of men, but I found myself hesitant to write this post. Not only hesitant, but even a little fearful. Part of that may be because I am, without question, a man and not a woman. But I think there’s a deeper reason for my caution: our culture doesn’t take kindly to anyone suggesting that women might not be perfect or that they, too, have blind spots just like their male counterparts. Whether it’s a reaction to the abuses of a male-dominated past or the lingering influence feminism has had on our collective conscience, the result is the same: people today seem far more comfortable criticizing masculine folly than feminine folly.
One pastor noted this by saying there’s a modern dogma “that says that in the ‘give and take’ between the sexes, the man should simply concentrate on taking and not giving at all.” I think I see that in the wild. For men, we toss around phrases like toxic masculinity and hear accusations of being man-boys, lost boys, chauvinists, and misogynists. But how often do you hear a woman called sexist or a misandrist? The fact that you probably had to look that last word up proves the point. We rightly hear of men’s propensities to laziness, abuse, abdication, and abandonment, but can you name common ills identified among women? We seem to live in a cultural moment where men are routinely the butt of jokes, the assumed source of societal problems, and the target of widespread frustration, but the darker side of womanhood is almost entirely overlooked.
This isn’t a gripe session about how mean people are to men. Rather, it’s an attempt to highlight a unique danger women face in our wider culture today: a lack of loving accountability. When people are unwilling to address feminine blind spots, those blind spots only deepen. If no one tells you there’s spinach in your teeth, it stays there all day. In the same way, if women don’t humbly and intentionally seek correction for the harmful habits unique to their station, they’re unlikely to find it in the cultural waters we’re swimming in.
Identifying Feminine Sins
Paul wrote, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). I want to build my sisters up in a fitting way. Yet, as in construction, building up often requires tearing down the decaying parts first. Growing requires both learning what’s helpful and unlearning what’s unhelpful. It is the latter Paul will helps us with here.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:1-5
As we noted when thinking about masculine sins, Paul is giving Titus wisdom to teach to different kinds the believers in his church. By reverse engineering his exhortations in verse 3, we can find dangers that women are particularly—though not exclusively—vulnerable to in their feminine station.
It is helpful to note his first instruction is general: “Older women are to be reverent in behavior” (v. 3). Women—like men—are to act honorably in a way that fits their identity as image bearers and redeemed children of God. Their standard of womanhood should not be what other women think or do in real life or on social media, but what God says. Matthew Henry says:
“Women are to hear and learn their duty from the word, as well as the men: there is not one way of salvation for one sex and another for the other. Both men and women must learn and practice the same things, both as aged and as Christians; the virtues and duties are common.”
This is sets the stage for the specific ways women can easily fall short of that standard if not careful or discerning about their thoughts or habits.
1. Slander (As Opposed to Honest Speech)
One of my theology professors once said, “Flattery is saying things to someone you would never say behind their back. Gossip is saying things behind someone’s back that you would never say to their face.” Women, when walking in the flesh, are particularly prone to the latter. A wife may feel annoyed when her husband forgets or fails to mention the juicy details of a friend’s marital struggles. When drama arises in social circles, women often feel a natural pull to analyze, comment, and share their perspective. If someone hurt her, she finds solace in speaking to other confidants about the wrong done to her without no plan to speak to the offender. For some women, refusing to listen to their incisive commentary or cutting remarks about others, or declining to blindly support their perspective, is seen as “taking the other person’s side” or being a bad friend. Whether we call it a vent session, spilling the tea, or girl talk, this tendency toward gossip is a real danger.
I don’t think this inclination is always rooted in malice. Like men, women’s greatest weaknesses are their strengths overplayed. It seems the tendency to gossip can often arise from relational attentiveness and emotional intelligence, which are gifts God gives women to nurture, connect, and influence. Without careful self-examination, however, these gifts can be misused, turning natural curiosity and care into gossip that damages reputations and trust.
So Paul exhorts, “Older women likewise are not slanderers” (Titus 2:3). Women should grow in skill at to using their relational sensitivity for good: to speak encouragingly, compassionately, wisely, and, above all, truthfully to and about others. A helpful rule of thumb is to ask before speaking about someone: “Would I say this in their presence?” or “Would I be horrified if they found out I said this?” If the answer is yes, don’t share it. you would not say it in their presence, do not say it in their absence. There are times when speaking about someone in their absence is necessary, such as seeking wisdom on how to care for them, but this is very different from simply talking about someone without any intention of helping or building them up.
James tells us that our tongues are the most powerful thing we have (James 3:1-4). Solomon says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21). This, along with the relational insight and emotional intuitiveness of women make for a powerful combo for great good or great harm. For your joy, others’ good, and God’s glory, dear sisters, speak life.
2. Addiction (As Opposed to Internal Contentment)
In our passage, Paul says women are not to be, “slaves to much wine.” However, addiction isn’t only related to alcohol, but anything women may rely on to be content. When it comes to the stats, research suggests that women are more likely than men to turn to external tools or outlets to cope with stress and life’s challenges. Women spend more time on social media, averaging about 62.6 minutes per day on social apps compared to 49.5 minutes for men. They also report higher levels of dependency. They also use prescription medication at disproportionately higher rates. According to the National Health Interview Survey, 15.3% of adult women took medication for depression in 2023, compared with 7.4% of men. More than double. Interestingly:
“Valium was originally advertised to women who felt a need to cope. An early ad promoted the drug this way:”Advertisements for Valium and other benzodiazepines in the ’60s and ’70s were, by today’s standards, shockingly brazen in their depiction of stereotypical women who might be saved from their disappointing lives by popping pills. Valium was touted as a drug that would sweep away your depression and anxiety, allowing you to be your ‘true self’.”
On the consumer side, in a systematic study, the National Library of Medicine recognized, “Women are more affected by Compulsive Buying-Shopping Disorder than men.” These combined patterns suggest women have a tendency for coping with digital engagement, pharmaceuticals, or retail consumption in ways men don’t.
You may see this data play out in everyday life. Many women speak of needing a little retail therapy to cope with the constant responsibilities or relational drama that press on them. Social media is filled with mommy-influencers describing how “overstimulated” they feel by day’s end and how they need a spa day, a getaway, or a drink just to unwind. Others fall into the habit of scrolling to escape boredom or irritation. When life feels chaotic on the outside, it often creates chaos on the inside, and without discernment it is easy to reach for quick comforts to cope.
That’ Enough for Now
Paul has more to say to help sisters resist the unique temptations of womanhood and walk in wisdom. We will return to that in part two. But in case you suspect I am writing more about women than men because I have an axe to grind, let me explain. This section on womanly sins is in two parts for two reasons. The first is simple: Paul says more about women here than men. Second, I thought it was worth mentioning the strange double standard in how we often talk about men’s faults versus women’s. That took up a bit of the word count. But, I’ve no axe to grind. Women, especially those in my family, are the sources of many of my life’s deepest joys. My aim is not to burden anyone—men or women alike—but to help us see where grace aims to heal, strengthen, and set us free.
By design, men are to inclined to be strong, ambitious, and protective. Scripture honors and exhorts men to cultivate these traits. Yet, as the adage goes, our greatest strengths overplayed become our greatest weaknesses. Therefore, Scripture warns men of temptations and pitfalls that aren’t exclusive to them, but are particularly tied to their unique design.
In Titus 2:2 and 6, Paul addresses six traits that he seems to think men need special care to cultivate.
Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Titus 2:2
By reverse engineering, I think we’re supplied a good starting point to answer the question, “What sins are men particularly prone to?” What are the sins that can subtly hinder or destroy a man if left unchecked or unattended?
1. Overindulgence (As Opposed to Sober-Mindedness)
Men are prone to overdoing just about anything that excites them. One or two beers is just a warm-up. Their desire for success at work can easily make them sacrifice their time, their kids, and even their marriages. Once a hobby grabs their attention (e.g. golf, sports, etc.) they give it the best of their time, energy, and attention; their primary responsibilities get the leftovers. Overindulgence isn’t about enjoying bad things, but enjoying good things in a way that hinders their ability to fulfill their most important duties well. For many men, when it comes to their enjoyments, it’s all or nothing.
So Paul commands, “Older men are to be sober-minded…” Sober-mindedness isn’t exclusively about alcohol, but about moderation in all areas of life. It is good for men to deeply enjoy the gifts God has given them, but they must ensure they’re enjoyed in the right order compared to their primary responsibilities. They must be sober-minded in their enjoyments.
Men, how is your life ordered? If we represented your thinkings and doings on a pie chart, what would the ratios be? Are you allowing your desires to order your mind (overindulgent)? Or are you ensuring your mind orders your life (sober-minded)? Make sure what is good is determining how you enjoy life, not what feels good.
2. Triviality (As Opposed to Seriousness)
The sitcoms I grew up with often portrayed the dad as the unserious dunce who needed his wife’s wisdom and leadership to help him to pay attention to more important matters of their life. Without her, he’d waste his time on football, pizza, and beer and the kids would barely survive.
Where’d they get the idea for men like Homer Simpson, Ray Barone, or Michael Bluth? Likely from experience. At our worst, men fixate on unimportant things. Being inclined to doing, men easily neglect thinking. As visual creatures, men have little time for important matters that aren’t urgent or right in front of them. Fixers love to think about the urgent, trivial problem right in front of them and not so much the non-unurgent, important issues that lie just under the surface. They’ll tell their wife how to fix her problems with the kids, but never consider, “How is my wife doing spiritually?” or “Is my marriage healthy?” Life’s biggest questions about meaning, purpose, value, God, heaven, hell, or death are eclipsed by the state of the stock market, the score of the game, or the thrill of potentially winning the poker game. Unchecked, men often invest their lives into things that offer no lasting return.
Therefore, “Older men are to be…dignified…” (or serious or grave). That is, men must decide to be serious about the life they’re living and pursue things that actually matter. Dignified, they ought to reflect, “Do I care deeply about ultimately worthless things?” or “Am I an unserious man chasing unserious things?” This doesn’t mean men should be gloomy, but choosy about what they deem most important because their lives will follow suit. Remember: play dumb games, get dumb prizes.
3. Unruliness (As Opposed to Self-Control)
This is connected with overindulgence, but instead of focusing on balance, unruliness focuses on control. Though men are not often as emotionally expressive as women, they are no less affected by their emotions or desires. Men feel things strongly and, without the grace of God, will allow their desires to drive the ship of their life. An angry man will say or do things he later regrets. If a man feels discouraged or exhausted from work, he may return home physically, but allow his feelings to justify his emotional or relational absence. When embarrassed, men will distance themselves from the issue or the person they feel is the cause. When the kids do something annoying or dumb, he will respond not with wisdom for their good, but with crankiness from their irritation. When another woman is being nice to them and looking good or the internet offers glimpses of things that should remain unseen, dumb decisions born of powerful desires are made. Instead of ruling their desires, many men allow their desires to rule them. Their feelings, not their minds, call the shots.
Instead, Paul gives the same instruction to both older and younger men: “be self-controlled” (Titus 2:2, 6). You would never hand over the keys to your sports car to your impulsive 16-year-old. Why would you hand over the keys of your life to the desire you’re feeling in the moment? You cannot control the feelings or emotions that rush on you at any given moment, but you can control how you respond to them. When you feel things, will you consent to their invitation or condemn them and choose another path? Your life—your words, actions, choices, and goals—is important. Make sure you are in control of it.
4. Spiritual Immaturity (As Opposed to Mature)
So far we’ve seen men are prone to overindulgence, triviality, and unruliness. Those traits often result in men being uninterested to grow in Christ-likeness and knowledge of Scripture. This is obviously true of non-believers, but just as much a problem with believing men. As a pastor, it isn’t an uncommon experience for me to meet men who’ve been Christians for decades with little to no knowledge of the faith they confess. They can only express Christian beliefs with thoughtless Christian cliches, bumper sticker phrases, or even mild-heresy. Because of this, in believing families, it is often the woman who takes the faith seriously enough to get the family to church, read the Bible, study theology, or talk about spiritual matters at home while the husbands follow their lead, lagging way behind. Since their attention and energies are often spent elsewhere, many men are successful in earthly achievements while remaining spiritual infants stuck in Christian kindergarten.
So Paul says, men “men are to be…sound in faith.” It is good for men to recognize this aversion to spiritual maturity and growth and decide to level up. As the head of the home, men are to be little pastors of their families who teach, shepherd, and lead their wives and children in the faith. Matthew Henry offers a stirring description of the kind of men needed in the home and at church:
Men who are sincere and steadfast, constantly adhering to the truth of the gospel. Men not fond of novelties or ready to run into corrupt opinions or parties…Those who are full of years should be full of grace and goodness, the inner man renewing more and more as the outer decays.
To fulfill this mighty duty and become this kind of a man, men must study Scripture, learn from sound preaching, befriend men who can teach them and help them grow in maturity, and put in the work to grow as Christians. Because men are created by God to be the protectors, providers, and leaders of their homes and churches they must put on their big boy pants, graduate from Christian kindergarten, and work hard to become men, “sound in faith.”
5. Indifference (As Opposed to Love)
Biblically, love is intentionally acting for the good of another. Where our culture teaches that love is primarily a feeling, Scripture consistently shows that love is an action. After all, John 3:16 does not say, “For God so loved the world that he felt,” but rather, “that he gave his one and only Son.” It is here we see another pit men can easily drift into: indifference to the good of others.
Because of a man’s capacity for laser-focus on the issues immediately in front of him or the obedience to his own hungers and desires, it can be easy to overlook the needs of the people around him. Of course, even the most pagan man will often care about the general well-being of his family and friends and likely rush to aid in crises. Yet consistent, attentive, intentional, and sacrificial care for the moral, spiritual, and emotional well-being of others can be neglected, crowded out by the demands of work, personal urges, or the pressing urgencies of daily life.
So men must “sound in…love.” They must work to correct their disordered and unruly love for silly things with a correctly ordered and self-controlled love; first for God and from there, for family and neighbor (Matthew 22:37-40). Instead of living life by the standard of self-love, men must decide to be fountains and not drains.
6. Impatience (As Opposed to Patient)
It is not uncommon to hear of or experience impatient men. They pass you on the freeway with an angry glare if you slow them down. Children often walk on eggshells at home in order to avoid the wrath of dad. Husbands grow weary of listening to their wives’ problems and try to end the conversation quickly by offering a fast fix. The older men become, the more prone they are to peevishness, fretfulness, and a shrinking appetite for anything they find uninteresting, unpleasing, or uncomfortable.
Men must be “sound in patience.” They can pursue this by remembering two things. First, life revolves around Jesus, not them. God does not order the world to suit their wants, but his plan. Those who keep this in mind do not ask, “Why me, God?” but instead, “What now, God?” Second, men must remember they are not in control of what happens to them, only how they respond. We can influence our kids’ attitudes, our wives’ needs, or other external circumstances, but we cannot control them. Once a man accepts that he cannot command his circumstances but can command his responses, he finally finds the ground where patience can grow.
These six sins aren’t meant to discourage you, but warn you and set you on the right path. Men need vigilance, self-reflection, and dependence on God to avoid these traps and grow into their counterparts. The good news is that these pitfalls can be overcome by God’s grace in the Word and the church’s fellowship.
You want a happy life? Then think carefully about where that happiness is found. We chase it in success, relationships, comfort, or control, but the soul finds rest only in knowing God.
Nothing grows the mind or enlarges the soul like a sincere, steady study of who God is. Thinking deeply about Him both humbles us and lifts us up. And while it stretches our understanding, it also brings deep comfort.
In looking to Christ, there’s healing for every hurt. In reflecting on the Father, there’s peace for every grief. In the presence of the HolySpirit, there’s soothing for every sorrow.
Do you want to be free from worry? To let go of your burdens? Then dive into the depths of who God is. Lose yourself in His greatness, and you’ll rise from that place renewed and at rest.
There is nothing that comforts the soul, quiets the storms of pain, or brings peace to life’s troubles like thoughtfully and reverently dwelling on the greatness of God.”
Charles Spurgeon from his sermon “The Immutability of God” (delivered January 7, 1855, at New Park Street Chapel)
True happiness isn’t found by looking within or around, but by looking up. There’s nothing more practical, powerful, or soul-satisfying than knowing and walking closely with the Lord Jesus Christ. Don’t ever forget that.
* Note, I updated the language of his quote to be more readable for a modern English speaker.
A Pilgrim's Friend 