Governor Tim Walz recently cited Matthew 25:40—”To the least among you, you do of me”—to back immigration legislation. Many Christians apply this verse to the poor or marginalized and they’re wrong for doing so.
Jesus does call us to care for the poor—’Love your neighbor’ (Matt. 22:39)—but that’s not the point of Matthew 25:40. It’s a right truth taken from the wrong text.
Isn’t This a Bit Nit-Picky?
You might ask, ‘If it inspires care for the poor, does the text matter?’ Yes, it really matters a lot. First, loving God means listening His words, not twisting them. Your spouse doesn’t it like it when you do that, God doesn’t either (2 Peter 3:16). Second, modeling misinterpretation teaches others to misread Scripture. Third, forcing our ideas into a given text risks distorting the Bible to speak of our priorities and to miss God’s priorities. Speaking a true thing from a wrong text is better than speaking an altogether false thing, but not by much.
So, what is Jesus teaching here?
Who Are the “Least of These?”
The least of these is not about how we treat poor or suffering folks in general (even less about a specific public policy, Mr. Governor), but about how we treat Christians being persecuted for their faith. Here are four reasons why.
(1) What They’re Called. Jesus calls them “my brothers” in Matthew 25:40, which refers to his followers or disciples (e.g. Matthew 12:48-50), not the poor.
(2) What They’re Experiencing. Many of the actions mentioned—visiting the imprisoned or hungry—align with the experiences of disciples suffering because of their trust in Christ and not a broad social welfare mandate or sentiment.
(3) Why Some Are Judged. In this passage, Jesus judges the unbelieving nations (the goats) based on their treatment of his followers (i.e. the sheep). Salvation is evidenced not by one’s relationship to the poor in general, but their to Jesus’ people specifically.
(4) What They Ask. Both believers and unbelievers are shocked by Jesus’ pronouncement of them and ask, “When did we treat you this way?” Jesus’ answer is their treatment of his people (i.e. his brothers, believers) was their treatment of him. Jesus intimately identifies with his people.Jesus’ makes this clear in other places.
He asks Paul, the man who persecuted Christians, “Why are you persecuting me?” (Acts 9:1-5).
Jesus sends his disciples out to preach and says, “Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me” (Matthew 10:40).
At the last supper, Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me” (John 13:20).
The point is clear, what we do to his people because they’re Christians, we do to him. Therefore, this underlines the point above: the “least of these” whom are treated as representatives of Jesus, those Jesus calls “his brothers”, are believers.
While Jesus commands care for the poor elsewhere (e.g., Matthew 22:39), Matthew 25:40 has a narrower scope: not the world, but the church.
Don’t Neglect Jesus
Why is this important? If we make this passage about the poor in general, it can easily cause one to care for the world (which isn’t bad) while neglecting to care for the church (which is bad). To use Jesus’ own teaching here: misreading this passage can cause us to care for the poor and neglect caring for Jesus.
When I was a young Christian I began reading a lot. A lot of Bible and a lot of theology. I picked up some old confessions of faith where the brightest of my Christian ancestors worked together to summarize what the Bible taught about various important matters.
In reading those confessions, I couldn’t help but notice that most—if not all—included an exposition of the Ten Commandments. In my early experience, many well-meaning Christians taught me that the Ten Commandments were just for the Jews so I didn’t need to dwell on them. Better to stick to the New Testament. Moreover, most believers I knew at that time could barely name two or three of the ten commands. By word and deed, I was taught to see the Ten Commandments as a relic of yesterday and not a treasure for today.
I was wrong.
The Ten Commands Are Good, Actually
Like God’s promises, God’s commands are good, actually. The Ten Commandments reveal God’s never changing character and are morally binding upon all people at all times in all places. Yes, they also show us our sin (and that hurts), but knowing the bad news about our sin causes us to finally look up to see the glory of the gospel of our salvation! Even more, the Law’s practical wisdom guides us to live a life that will only grow richer, not poorer. As the Psalmist says, “The Law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimonies of the Lord are sure, making wise the simple” (Psalm 19:7-11). The man who meditates and walks according to them is blessed (Psalm 1:1-2). The Law of God isn’t a burden, but a blessing.
You may be thinking, “How can a list of prohibitions be so good or ‘revive my soul'” (Ps. 19:7)? I understand that. To the superficial reader, the commands seem only to be explicit “no’s”: “no murder” or “no stealing” or “no lying.” However, all the “thou shalt nots” carry hidden “thou shalts.” Behind “no murder” there is a “yes, care about people.” Behind “no stealing” you should hear a “yes, respect people.” Behind “no, adultery” there is a hearty, “Be faithful to people.” In these Ten Words, God is essentially saying, “Avoid the wrong and pursue the good.” All the “no’s” carry implied “yeses”. God gave His Ten Commandments not as a stern checklist of what not to do, but as a living map on how to worship God and love others.
Let me show you how.
The First Table: A Guide to Worship
As you likely know, God gave Moses ten commandments written on two tablets. The first has to with our worship of God and the second our love of neighbor. Jesus offered the best summary of both tables: love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-39). So, the two “great commandments” aren’t new, they’re just fresh ways of summarizing the old Ten Commandments God gifted his people with at Sinai.
Surprisingly, you’ll notice the list of ten doesn’t start with a command, but a proclamation of the basis of our worship: the gospel that God saves sinners who trust Him.
The Prologue: The Basis of Worship
“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery” (Exodus 20:2). Before any command, God declares Himself our Deliverer. Isn’t that a comfort? Worship begins here—with the One who’s saved us and how he saved us. It’s a grounding truth: we adore Him because He first loved us. Paul underlines this same reality in Romans where he unpacks the good news of God’s saving grace in Romans 1-11 and then turns to show believers how to live “by the mercies of God” (Romans 12:1). Our obedience isn’t toward salvation, but from it; it isn’t the grounds of salvation, but its fruit.
So how do the saved live?
Commandment 1: The Object of Worship
“You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). This one’s a call to focus: Him alone, no rivals. We all catch ourselves sometimes chasing little gods—worry, ambition, material possessions, status—but this command pulls us back to the one from Whom and for Whom we exist.
Commandment 2: The Manner of Worship
“You shall not make for yourself a carved image” (Exodus 20:4). God won’t be boxed in or tamed by our hands. We often like to customize the way we worship to what is convenient or comfortable for us, but God calls us to love Him as He wants to be loved. By all means, enjoy and honor God in all areas of life – on your hikes, at sunsets, reading novels, or having coffee with friends, but don’t neglect the ways He’s instructed you to worship Him. God doesn’t want improvised, but faithful worship; on His terms, not ours.
Commandment 3: The Heart of Worship
“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain” (Exodus 20:7, ESV). Though this command is often reduced to not using God’s name as a cuss word, it’s not limited to that. It’s about reverence, the heart from which our words pour out. Careless speech about God is a symptom of careless worship of God. God isn’t offended by our careless words about Him as much as the careless heart that provides it. To say it positively, it is heart worship, not lip worship, that God cares about.
Commandment 4: The Time of Worship
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy” (Exodus 20:8). This one’s a gift—a pause button in a frantic world. I’m inclined to fill my days with exhausting work on earthward things, but God says, “Set aside and be serious about the one day I’ve given you each week for special rest for your body and worship of me from your soul.” God has scheduled our gathered worship into our calendars and we neglect this at the peril of our body and soul.
In this table, God doesn’t simple say to love Him with all our heart, but how. In the next table, God instructs us on how to love our neighbor.
The Second Table: A Call to Love
Like the first four, these commands aren’t just “don’ts”—they’re “do’s” in disguise, painting a picture of love lived out. In her famous song, Cher once sang, “What is love?” In the second table, God answers.
Commandment 6: The Work of Love
“You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13). More than avoiding harm, this calls us to labor for the good of people in our reach; not to harm, but to protect and nurture their life. It shows us love isn’t a feeling, but an action. It has hands and feet. If your love isn’t working to better people’s character or circumstances, it isn’t love at all.
Commandment 7: The Commitment of Love
“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). Faithfulness is the heartbeat here. True love stays true. In a world of broken promises, this calls us to honor our obligations to spouse, family, church, workplace, and neighbor. Genuine love doesn’t fall or fade with our feelings, but is steadfastly committed rain or shine, good or bad, thick or thin. It says, “I love you today and I will continue to love you tomorrow no matter what. It’s a high and beautiful bar to live up to, don’t you think?
Commandment 8: The Respect of Love
“You shall not steal” (Exodus 20:15). This is about respecting the rights of others and reminding ourselves it they’re not ours to take. We don’t take our work hours to use them for solitaire. We don’t take the hard earned money of other people. We take ourselves or our resources away from the church family God has called us to. We are to practice love that doesn’t grab, but gives.
Commandment 9: The Truthfulness of Love
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). Loving my neighbor means speaking truly to them – guarding us against lies, false accusations, convenient exaggerations or half-truths. It also means speaking truly about them – guarding against slander, gossip, and bitter speech intending to hurt or destroy. When someone does something evil or foolish, God teaches to have a kind of love that chooses to say the hard (and sometimes hurtful) true thing to help them change instead of the easy lie that will comfortably enable them to continue in their folly. Truth is the language love.
Commandment 10: The Contentment of Love
“You shall not covet” (Exodus 20:17). We love others well when we rest in what God gives. Our culture’s guide to happiness is to travel the road of “more” with the promise it will lead to the land of happiness. Instead, love walks the road of contentment and doesn’t seek what isn’t ours to have. A covetous heart anxiously seeks happiness by collecting things for King Me, but love contentedly and cheerfully cares for others in the Name of King Jesus.
A Lamp Unto My Feet
The Psalmist sang it well, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:105). It is God’s Word – yes, His Law – that helps us know not only to love God and others, but how. They’re not as much rules as they are lamps, lighting the way to worship God rightly and love others well. We all trip over them often—our heart veers, our tongue slips—but the One who saved us by His blood will be faithful to guide us by His Spirit to walk the path of his perfect Law.
Life is full of hardships. Spouses hurt us. Children frustrate and overwhelm us. Our bosses sometimes demand much and offer little. Our churches are imperfect. Exercising and eating well is not always enjoyable. Our own sin daily wars against us. Life is hard.
Our normal response is to complain or do all we can to ignore, avoid, and get rid of the hard things. Why would anyone do otherwise? But, what if we stopped seeing hardships as obstacles to avoid and saw them as they are: gifts from God to grow us? James teaches us:
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces… that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4).
Difficulties, and the pain we feel from them, are God’s sand paper that shapes us more into His image. The hard things we face daily—whether they test our patience, self-control, love, or courage—aren’t things to go around, but opportunities to grow through. Hard things aren’t God’s curses, they’re His gifts.
If you trust God enough to adopt this mindset, you’re life will never be the same.
How to Receive God’s Gift of Hard
Consider this: choosing to tackle the “good hard things” every day can make them easier over time. As we practice, we build skills and grow in virtues that actually make us more like Jesus. Let’s make it concrete:
If you’re working on self-control, try practicing the hard work of denying yourself the indulgences you crave and instead choose what you need. You might stumble often—failure is part of the process—but with each act of self-control in small ways, you’ll notice real growth over time and be able to exercise it in other more significant areas.
Patience is another virtue that requires daily, even hourly, practice. If you’re a parent, this might mean staying calm as you discipline and respond to your screaming children instead of reacting in frustration and shrieking back at them. It’s not easy, and you’ll likely fail more than you succeed at first, but persistence will cultivate a deeper sense of peace and understanding.
The skill of Christ-like love, too, grows in us only through sacrificial, difficult action. Instead of focusing on what’s in it for you, practice doing good for others each day. It could be a small act of kindness or a significant sacrifice—either way, the consistent effort will strengthen your capacity to love selflessly.
Similarly, grace can become second nature if you choose to extend forgiveness to those who’ve hurt you and shown remorse, rather than holding them to an impossible standard that you yourself can’t even live up to.
Courage isn’t reserved for grand gestures; it’s built in our character only through daily acts of bravery necessitated through hard times. Face the scary but good thing—whether it’s saying the needed thing to your friend or stepping out of your comfort zone to serve your church or finally having that needed conversation with your spouse—and let fear take a backseat. Over time, this practice will put steel into your spine and make you more confident in facing life’s bigger challenges that will inevitably come.
Justice, too, requires consistent effort. Practice holding everyone to the same standard, resisting the urge to bend the rules for those who are loud, influential, or intimidating. This commitment to fairness, even when it’s difficult, will help you build a life of integrity.
The hard things we encounter aren’t punishments—they’re opportunities. God gives us these challenges to refine us, to make us better. The question is: are you receiving this gift of hard or rejecting it?
Growth isn’t instantaneous, and failure is inevitable. But with daily, hourly work of facing the hard things in Christ-like ways, you’ll find the virtues you seek growing steadily within you: self-control, patience, love, grace, courage, and justice. You’ll stumble. You’ll falter. You’ll grow. As you grow, you’ll discover the rich life of being like Jesus.
What if this little cliche is actually the only way you can experience a truly, joyful Christian life? You may think, “How can this be? The gospel isn’t about earning, but grace!”
Well, not really.
Isn’t Grace Opposed to Effort?
Yes, the Bible is against the notion of earning one’s salvation. We are saved by grace in Christ through faith. It is glorious. It is true. But, that doesn’t mean it is against effort. Consider these passages:
Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Philippians 2:12-13
Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:7-8
Strive to enter through the narrow door. Luke 13:24
Strive… for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue. 2 Peter 1:5
Do you see it? Far from being against effort, Christians are commanded toward it.
How do we square this with the gospel? Easy. We are saved by grace unto a life of grace-fueled effort to become more like Jesus. Jesus has saved us fully from sin’s penalty and power by his work on the cross and in the tomb so we may progressively enjoy that beautiful salvation by Spirit-empowered, Scripture guided effort. After all, “We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus (fully justified from all sin) for good works” (Ephesians 2:10). Christians are not saved by good works – or godly effort – but for good works. Jesus has earned our salvation and gifts us the privilege to more deeply experience and enjoy it with increasing degree day by day by our grace-fueled effort. Grace is against earning, not effort.
Christ-Likeness Only Comes With Spirit-Empowered Effort
This brings us to our cliche. We can only become more like Jesus bypractice; intentionally choosing to act like Him in the power of the Spirit. Our practice is not to earn something nor is it by our own power. The Holy Spirit works to grow in like Christ through our efforts. As John Owen said:
The Holy Spirit so works in us that He works by us; His assistance is not a force upon us, but a help to us, whereby we are made able to will and to do that which is spiritually good. Without Him we can do nothing, but with Him we must do something.
God’s Holy Spirit works for us, in us, and through us, but never without us. Our effort is necessary if we want to grow up in the riches of God’s grace. Practice, therefore, is necessary to grow like Jesus. Our justification required Jesus’ gracious blood. Our sanctification requires our grace-fueled sweat.
How Are You Practicing to Become Perfect Like Jesus?
If you are a Christian, you want to become like Jesus. But, what are you doing to make that happen? You’ll never become a good athlete without training. You’ll never become a good cook without getting in the kitchen. You’ll never become a proficient artist without putting brush to canvas. In the same way, you will never become like Jesus without practice.
What kind of intentional efforts are you making to become the kind of person that looks like Jesus?
Let’s make it practical:
Do you want to grow in love? Serve others selflessly, even when it’s inconvenient. Be the dad that stays up late to talk through an emotional day with your child despite your exhaustion.
Do you want to grow in joy? Give thanks each time you enjoy some good, no matter how small. Be the employee starts the workday by listing three things you’re grateful for, even amid stress.
Do you want to grow in peace? See any feeling of anxiety as a call to pray and more deeply trust in God’s control. Be the husband prays about a financial setback instead of snapping at his spouse.
Do you want to grow in patience? Wait without complaining. Embrace delays or interruptions as a gift from God to grow. Be the church member who smiles and waits quietly and cheerfully when a service runs longer than expected.
Do you want to grow in kindness? Speak gentle words, especially to the difficult. Be the wife who offers a calm and controlled response to your spouse’s frustration instead retaliating.
Do you want to grow in goodness? Act with integrity in every small moment, choosing what’s right over what’s easy. Be the wife who admits a mistake to her rather than covering it up, justifying it, or recalling his shortcomings.
Do you want to grow in faithfulness? Keep promises, honoring God in small things. Be the Christian who consistently attends church on Sundays to be a blessing to your spiritual family, even when tired or other opportunities arise.
Do you want to grow in gentleness? Respond calmly, even under provocation. Be the mom who responds to your kids’ immaturity, chaos, and constant neediness with controlled tenderness instead of yelling, demeaning, and threatening.
Do you want to grow in self-control? Say no to small, unnecessary impulses each hour, seeking God’s strength to focus on what’s needed instead of what’s wanted. The more you do it in small ways, the stronger you’ll be to practice it in big ways. Be someone who chooses not opt for regularly door-dashing, eating out, or racking up credit card debt because it is immediately pleasurable. Instead be the person who makes the meal, goes to the grocery store yourself, and doesn’t binge watch the next season. Don’t be controlled by your impulses to make life easy, but control your impulses to make life Christ-like.
Beloved, no one drifts into holiness. It’s only obtained through intentionally swimming toward Christ in every day action. You will never act like Jesus in the important moments of your future if you don’t practice being like Jesus in the unimportant moments of your present.
If you’ve been saved by Christ, then act like Christ so become like Christ. Practice makes perfect. This is the way.
In Marcus Aurelius’ first chapter of Meditations, he makes a list of people in his life and the precious lessons they taught him. It is a chapter that is filled with warmth (he speaks of his mom, dad, grandpa, and dear friends) and wisdom. It’s delicious.
There is one piece of wisdom from it I think especially relevant for you and I, dear reader.
A Lesson Learned
In the first few sentences he mentions an important lesson he learned from his grandfather, Verus about how to approach his own education:
From my grandfather Verus I learned… not to have frequented public schools, and to have had good teachers at home, and to know that on such things a man should spend liberally.
Remember, Aurelius didn’t live in 21st century America (he lived in Rome from 121–180AD) so he’s not making a case for modern homeschooling, although his wisdom here is relevant. Public schools in ancient Rome, much like today, could be chaotic, crowded, and inconsistent in quality. By choosing to bring “good teachers” into the home, his grandfather emphasized an intentional and focused approach to learning. He taught Aurelius to surround himself with people who would cultivate his mind and character, rather than leaving it to chance in a broader, less controlled environment. Break up with the public schools, dear Aurelius, and marry yourself to those who know truth and live wisely.
The Scriptures are replete with the same wisdom. King Solomon said, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Prov. 4:23). Jesus taught that the “pure of heart” are blessed and will see God (Matthew 5:8), not those with hearts muddied by foolish, worldly wisdom and values. Christians give their hearty amen to David’s prayer, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). Our mind, character, and affections (i.e. our heart) determines our whole life – our choices, words, deed, and delights. Its either trash in, trash out or treasure in, treasure out. So, we must, like a beefy, muscled bouncer, guard its door vigilantly and only let in those who will do it well. Beloved, be picky about your teachers.
A Lesson Applied
My mind has constantly come back to this wisdom because it is especially relevant today. Every day on Spotify, our video streaming services, and our social media feeds, teachers line up at our door to teach us their ways. They want to form our feelings, choices, words, thoughts, and sensibilities. They want our hearts and we have to make a decision: will I let them in?
To make it practical, I encourage you to start examining who you give your ears and eyes to and whether or not they’ll increase your love and devotion to God or eat away at it inch by inch. Consider asking these questions
What’s the intent behind this influence? Is this content or voice trying to inform, entertain, persuade, or manipulate me? Does it seek my good in Christ or just my attention?
Does this draw me closer to God or pull me away? Does listening to or watching this increase my love, peace, or devotion, or does it stir restlessness, cynicism, disbelief, or distraction?
What emotions does this stir in my heart? After engaging with this, do I feel more Christ-like and grounded emotions, or am I more anxious, angry, distrustful of loved ones, and divided?
What values is this teaching me? Are the messages—spoken or subtle—lining up with truth, goodness, and humility taught in Scripture, or pushing me toward self-interest, self-trust, materialism, or pride?
How much time am I giving this teacher? Am I letting this voice dominate my day, leaving little room for reflection, prayer, or better influences? How is your screen time compared to your Bible time?
Would I invite this into my home if it were a person? If this podcast, show, or feed were a real teacher knocking at my door, would I trust them with my heart and mind?
Would I want my children to think or act like this? Is this content merely entertainment for me now or is it an example for how I’d like my children to turn out?
Does this leave me better or worse than before? After consuming this, am I more equipped to love my neighbor and trust God or do I feel drained, confused, or cynical?
Am I choosing this or is it choosing me? Did I seek this out intentionally in order to grow more like Jesus or am I letting an algorithm or habit decide what shapes my thoughts? Who or what is in the driver seat here?
What’s the fruit of this in my life? Looking at my words, actions, or mood after engaging—am I bearing good fruit and becoming holier (Galatians 5:22-23) or am I becoming thornier?
Is this worth my heart’s real estate? Given that “everything you do flows from the heart” (Proverbs 4:23), is this influence worthy of the space it’s taking up inside me?
These questions are a hands-on tool to push you to intentionally pause and sift through the barrage of modern “teachers” clamoring for your heart. They’re a practical way for you to learn from Marcus’ wisdom to bring in only the good teachers and Jesus’ call to store up what’s pure. They’re a filter for today’s noise, helping decide who gets a seat at the table.
Remember, everyone is a disciple of something or someone. You’re either following teachers who are making you more like Jesus or more like something else.
‘How did Jesus do what he did?’ is a better question.
Ask yourself, ‘What kind of practices, values, thoughts, priorities, relationships, and habits did Jesus arrange his life around so that he was able to live the life that he lived. We cannot behave ‘on the spot’ as Jesus did and taught if in the rest of our time we live as everybody else does.’”
We will never live like Jesus in important times if we live like the rest of the world in normal times. Morrow illustrated the idea this way:
“If we ask, ‘What would Michael Phelps do in this race?’ we would immediately say, ‘Win.’ However, we know that we couldn’t do what he would do because we aren’t the same kind of athlete he was. Phelps could only do what he could do because of who he trained to be.” In the same way, we can only act as Jesus would if we train ourselves daily to be kind of Spirit-empowered man Jesus was.
Do we need to know what Jesus taught? Of course! However, Jesus teaches truth to our mind so we may live according to that truth in our life. We can memorize all his teachings, but we will only become like him by practicing those teachings in the daily grind of life. Skill starts with learning, but is completed only by action. For those who follow Jesus teacher, learning his teaching is not our graduation, but first day of training.
So what should we do? Let’s start with baby steps.
Four Teachings to Begin Practicing
Here are four teachings of Jesus to start practicing today in small, mundane ways that we may slowly become the kind of person Jesus was in order to live the kind of life Jesus lived.
“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31)
Do good for others justlike you do good for yourself. Think about it. Who’s most sensitive to your needs? When you’re hungry, who’s quickest to feed you? When you’re struggling to do well, who’s most understanding of your shortcoming? Who wants the best for you and works hard to obtain it? The answer to all these questions? You.
Jesus doesn’t teach us to stop loving ourselves, he (rightly) assumes we do. Here, he teaches us to use our own self-love as the standard to guide we love others.
Imagine how marriages would be affected if even one person in the relationship, let alone both, trained themself to be sensitive to the needs of their spouse and responded as quickly as they do their own? Would friendships fair better if we leaned in during tense times to heal the relationship rather than ghosting them? How about your workplace? Would your boss, colleagues, or employees be better or worse off if you cared for them like you care for yourself? Do you trust Jesus’ wisdom enough to train yourself to love others like you love yourself?
How funny we are. One of Jesus’ most well-known teachings is one we practice least. Yet, if we trained ourselves to live this way, to love this way, our lives would never be the same for the better.
But what do we do those we try to love hurt us?
“Forgive others” (Matthew 6:14-15)
Forgiveness is the act of cancelling someone’s relational debt incurred by them betraying your trust. When someone betrays us and repents, we’re faced with a choice: keep holding it against them or follow Jesus and forgive them?
The 2016 study by Toussaint tracked 332 participants over five weeks. They found that increased forgiveness reduced stress and lead to fewer mental health symptoms. If this is true of a five week period, how much more benefit would there be in a lifetime of following Jesus here? Living in this broken world will mean you will be hurt by the broken citizens within it. If you commit yourself to the hard and painful work of forgiving those who’ve hurt you rather than hurting them back or cutting them off then you will be more whole and human – that is, more Christ-like – because of it.
You probably know this, but, remember, the question is, “What kind of practices, values, thoughts, priorities, relationships, and habits do you need to adopt to actually live it?” If you don’t train to be a forgiving person in small ways every day, you’ll fail to forgive anyone when the opportunity arises. With your spouse, church members, pastors, co-workers, or kids, what small ways are you practicing the skill of genuine forgiveness?
This is genius wisdom that the Stoics hit hard and well. As an example, Seneca pointed out, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” What he means is we agonize far more from worrying about things rather than the actual things we worry about. Think about the nights you couldn’t sleep because you were worried about a crisis that never ended up happening. Remember the times your stomach was in knots about a problem that didn’t actually exist? Often times, we never actually experience the stuff we painfully worry over.
It is important to point out that Jesus isn’t merely saying, “Think positively,” but instead, “Think truly.” His instruction not to worry isn’t detached idealism, but a dogged realism. If we sees things as they actually are instead of what we perceive them to be, we’d finally see worry as the foolishness it is and begin to free ourselves from its grip.
Jesus provides three realities that help us see why we must not worry. First,worry is stupid because it shifts our focus from the important things we can control from the unimportant things we can’t control (Matt. 6:25). Second, worry makes the mistake that we’re on our own. Jesus reminds his followers that God is our attentive Father who knows our every need (Matt. 6:32) and will provide for every one of them. Be real, he feeds and clothes even the birds and flowers, won’t he care for you, his beloved child (Matt. 6:26, 28-29)? Third, worry is pointless since it doesn’t accomplish anything but make you feel pain (v. 27). Worrying is a fool’s errand and happens only for those who detach themselves from reality.
But, again, if we don’t practice this kind of trust with the small problems, annoyances, questions, or concerns of daily life then we won’t be able to overcome the monster of worry when the big storms hit. We can’t be confident like Jesus in the big times if we don’t train to be worry-less like Jesus in the small times.
“Seek first the Kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:33)
How good can someone be at football if they don’t know their end zone? How good can a basketball player be if there is no hoop? Will an archer win gold if his target has no bullseye? No one can succeed in any endeavor unless they’re certain of what the goal is and aim for it. In the same way, you will never be able to succeed in life unless you know and seek the actual goal rather than the improvised one you’ve adopted along the way.
What is the goal? To know, love, honor, and enjoy God by reflecting him (1 Cor. 10:31). Or, in Jesus’ words, to seek God’s kingdom – to live according to his rule over all – and not your kingdom.
Now, ask yourself a real question and demand from yourself a real answer, not just the answer your Sunday school teacher would like: what is the controlling pursuit of your life? What is the one thing you seek above all other things. What colors or controls all the other things you do or don’t do? What do you sacrifice money, comfort, time, relationships, thoughts, or efforts for above all else? To boil it down, Jesus says you’ve two options: you can chase the temporary things of this world’s kingdom or the eternal thing of God’s Kingdom.
Of all the practical teachings to train yourself in, this one is the most practical because it doesn’t focus on what you do, but why you do it. Everything in your life flow from this and is directed to this one single teaching.
If you are like me, you’ll realize that each day brings competing goals that seek to reign over your heart so knowing that God’s kingdom ought to be our grand aim is only the first step. From there, we must ask, “What kind of practices, values, thoughts, priorities, relationships, and habits do I need to adopt to actually aim for it?” From there, we must begin our training.
To close up my musings, here is the bottom line: what you believe or know doesn’t mean jack if it doesn’t flow into what you do. You and I will never become like the Jesus we quote unless we, in 10,000 small acts, daily practice what he taught us.
Those who follow Jesus want to become like him. They want to think like him so they learn. They cultivate their affections to love what he loves and hate what he hates. Their hearts don’t direct their choices; they follow his commands. Jesus has come to save us from sins and slowly make us like himself – day by day, degree by degree – and Christians want nothing more.
“Make me like yourself, Lord” is our heart’s guiding prayer.
How does Jesus answer that prayer? Among the many ways, one is underestimated: become a member of a local church and stay put, especially when it hurts.
Spiritual formation occurs primarily in the context of community. People who remain connected with their brothers and sisters in the local church almost invariably grow in self-understanding, and they mature in their ability to relate in healthy ways to God and to their fellow human beings. This is especially the case for those courageous Christians who stick it out through the often messy process of interpersonal discord and conflict resolution. Long-term interpersonal relationships are the crucible of genuine progress in the Christian life. People who stay also grow.
People who leave do not grow. We all know people who are consumed with spiritual wanderlust. But we never get to know them very well because they cannot seem to stay put. They move along from church to church, ever searching for a congregation that will better satisfy their felt needs. Like trees repeatedly transplanted from soil to soil, these spiritual nomads fail to put down roots and seldom experience lasting and fruitful growth in their Christian lives.
It hits, doesn’t it? It reminds us that following Jesus is not a solitary endeavor but one deeply rooted in the soil of the church. Just as a tree needs the right soil to flourish, our faith requires the fertile ground of long-term relationships through thick and thin within the church.
Long-term church life grow us. Being sinned against is an opportunity to practice the difficult work of Christ-likeness forgiveness. Annoying people push us to grow skilled in patience. Not having our preferences met in music style, song choice, leadership decisions, or sermon length are reminders that the church doesn’t revolve around our tastes. Needy people offer us countless opportunities to love them like Jesus does. Jesus savesus into the church and sanctifies us through the church, the pleasing and painful parts. Becoming like Jesus is a church-shaped process.
Isn’t it ironic that in our quest to become like Jesus, we sometimes become like nomads. We uproot ourselves the moment church gets hard to search for something better, not realizing that our constant church-hopping or seasons of isolation stunts the very growth we seek. For sure, there are necessary times to leave a church, but when we leave a church because of solvable difficulties, we deny ourselves the chance to grow like Jesus. Perhaps it’s time to consider the wise and holy labor of staying put in your church, knowing the hardships that make you want to leave are the very reasons you should stay.
If you’re feeling the pull to wander, maybe this is your sign to pause, plant yourself more deeply, and pray the Lord will grow you where you’re planted. Doesn’t nature itself show us, the mightiest oak was once a little nut that simply stayed where it was.
The word philosophy means, “Love of wisdom.” That a good word for it because the more I read and discuss philosophy, the more I love it. It doesn’t just stimulate my thinking, but it helps me live happily.
The Value of Wisdom
My experience of wisdom’s benefit has proved true what God says again and again in Proverbs, the ultimate book of wisdom: “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight” (Proverbs 4:7). But, why is wisdom (i.e. philosophy) so valuable? Seneca answers better than I could:
(Philosophy) is the art of living, and she teaches us not only how to bear poverty, but even how to enrich ourselves with it. She shows us how to rejoice in good fortune without becoming its slave, and how to bear bad fortune without being crushed by it. She teaches us how to act rightly in our relations with others, how to be free in any condition, how to despise death, how to be content with little, how to be happy with much, how to be prepared for any eventuality.
She does not promise to remove the obstacles from life, but to give us the strength to overcome them. She does not promise to take away the passions, but to regulate them, not to make us insensible to pain, but to show us how to conquer it. She does not promise to make us immune to fear, but to teach us how to face it with courage.
So, philosophy is not just a subject for debate in the lecture halls, but a guide for daily life. It is not merely to be learned, but to be lived. It teaches us to be self-sufficient, to find our contentment within ourselves, and to live in accordance with nature. This is its practical value; this is why it is not to be studied for the sake of mere knowledge but for the art of living.
What else can provide a life like that? What else could be more valuable? As Solomon said, “For wisdom is better than jewels, and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.” (Proverbs 8:11)
Wise Lessons That Help Me Live Happier
Here are some wise lessons I’ve learned and practiced from philosophy that have significantly helped me live happy in Jesus; that is, according to reality instead of illusion.
Practice Who You Want to Be
What’s funny about people is we all know who we want to be – honest, patient, kind, wise, faithful, etc. – but we rarely do actual things to become that. Epictetus challenged me in this area when he wrote, “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” Ideals without actions are pipe-dreams. Actions toward ideals become reality. No one becomes a professional athlete by wish-casting, but practicing. Artists don’t simply desire to make beautiful things, they paint bad picture after bad picture and eventually they get good. Instead of impotently saying, “I sure wish I was more like Jesus,” this has made me aggressively ask, “What little things am I practicing today to become like Jesus?” and then spurred me to do those things. No one becomes like Jesus by accident.
I Am Responsible for My Emotions
I never realized I had unthinkingly adopted the axiom, “I can’t help how I feel.” If someone said something mean or a difficult situation was forced upon me or my kids ruined the couch, I would assume, “The negative emotions I am feeling are out of my control.” This belief is revealed when we say things like, “You made me angry” or “My kids are driving me nuts!” This kind of thinking is incredibly enslaving. It subtly teaches me I am not free, but a victim of my circumstances; I’m doomed to feel bad things when thrown into unpreferable situations.
Then I read this line by Epictetus, “If someone (or something) succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.” In short, no one forces me to be upset, but I choose to be. This has been both freeing and challenging. Freeing because it helped me know that though I may not be in control of what happens to me, I am always in control of how I respond. I am not slave to people or circumstances. It is challenging because it puts me back into the seat of responsibility. Having read that, I can no longer blame my wife, kids, or circumstances for a cranky attitude. Those things may be the fuel, but I alone choose to strike the match. The emotional responses I allow to flame up and direct my responses are on on me.
Know the Things I Can & Can’t Control.
Most of life is completely outside of my control. I can’t control traffic, the weather, the economy, whether or not wars start or stop, health crises, my wife’s words, my children’s weaknesses, or much else. So what should we do?
Epictetus instructs us well: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Though I cannot control what happens to me, I can always control how I think and react. The well-known “Serenity Prayer” (which is Stoic philosophy improved with Christian theology) demonstrates this wisdom in prayer form:
“God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”
In learning and practicing this, I’m better at accepting unpreferable situations not as a reason for anxiety, but a call to action. My impulse is less, “Why God?” and more “What God?” As a result, my anxiety over things I can’t control – external things – has decreased a lot (not perfectly) and my sense of agency over the things I can control – internal things – has increased. It’s lessened my complaints and increased my conduct.
Wisdom is the Greatest Treasure
We live in a culture that values silly trinkets like money, pleasure, reputation, health, drugs, and rock-and-roll. Most of those things aren’t bad things (probably good to avoid drugs), they’re just not the best things because they don’t help you live better as a human. Wisdom, on the other hand, is aimed only at that goal.
Socrates contrasts the world’s values to the value of wisdom this way:
“I do nothing else but go about persuading you all, old and young alike, not to take thought for your persons or your properties, but first and chiefly to care about the greatest improvement of the soul. I tell you that virtue is not given by money, but that from virtue come money and every other good of man, public as well as private.”
Someone can have wealth without wisdom and still be miserable. Others can have wisdom without wealth and still be happy. But, as Socrates points out, those who get wisdom usually come to obtain the worldly comforts others seek not because it was their aim, but as a happy by-product of living wisely. This caused me to ask, “Do I want to chase the fruit (health, wealth, happiness) or should I tend to the root (being a wise Christ-like image bearer)? The decision was an easy one. It has helped me walk the narrow road to the heavenly kingdom and not get detoured by the allure of sandcastles.
Freedom is Living as I’m Made to.
Normal thinking today thinks freedom is doing what I want. As Disney preaches, “Follow your heart.” However, this is as helpful advice as, “Drink the poison.” Why? Our heart wants deadly things and often seeks to get them in deadly ways. Freedom is not doing what you want, but living how you were made to live. Seneca wrote, “The happy life is to have a mind that is in harmony with the whole of nature.” Humans are most happy when they’re living according to their human nature. To illustrate, suppose a fish wanted to live outside of water. Would you counsel him to do so? No. Why? Because, no matter his desires, it won’t make his life better because a fish was made for water. He will be happiest not doing what he wants, but living how he’s been made to.
In the same way, I have been made to reflect the character and conduct of God. As a human, I am an image bearer. Therefore, I will experience true freedom not from doing what I want to, but living how I was made to: to know and act like God in character and conduct.
Difficulties Are Opportunities
It is easy to see difficulties or failures as an end. However, wisdom sees them as the beginning to another level of growth. Marcus Aurelius is famous for this line: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” What he means is difficulties are powerful opportunities to grow. They may be a red light for our former plans, but they can be a green light to future strength if we choose to tackle them with whatever resources we have at hand. Think about what happens when someone doesn’t quite when the going gets hard, but seeks to overcome it or make it better. They think hard, work hard, gather good counsel, and persevere through it. Even if the difficulty isn’t completely solved they have become a stronger, better person because of the process.
For believers, I hope this sounds familiar. James said it this way:
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4
Christians can lean into Aurelius’ wisdom harder than anyone because we understand our trials and difficulties are accidents, but have come to us from our Father’s loving hand to make us more like Christ. For those guided by wisdom, difficulties are God’s sandpaper to make us more like him.
Use Your Resources When Things Get Hard
When bad things happen, we’ve generally two responses: complain or get to work. Though the first is easiest, it doesn’t alleviate the problem or help us grow in any way. The second accomplishes both. Epictetus pointed this out in a line I don’t think I will forget:
“Instead of meeting misfortune with groans and tears, I will call up the faculty especially provided to deal with it. ‘But my nose is running! What do you have hands for, idiot, if not to wipe it? ‘But how is it right that there be running noses in the first place?’ Instead of thinking up protests, wouldn’t it be easier just to wipe your nose?”
God has given us the resources to bear any burden he lays on us in life. Will I use them or will I sit and complain through the boogers?
In light of these things, hear afresh the gracious offer God holds out to us all. “The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor” (Prov.15:33). Wisdom, dear friends, is nothing more than being serious about actually living like Christ is Lord.
Now, I’d like to share some great books to read with your teens to deepen your relationship with them, sharpen their thinking, and stir their affections for Christ.
A Word on Method
Before the list, allow me to say a word about method. Teenagers are in a stage of life where they’re getting used to their adult thinking and acting. The teenage years are notoriously difficult for parents because teens are in a transitional phase; they’re not quite little kids anymore, yet they’re not full fledged adults. Discipling them, therefore, isn’t merely sitting them down and telling them what to believe (like we do with children), but sitting down with them, modeling for and helping them learn how to think toward solid truth and wisdom.
The best way to accomplish this is to read books with them and provide opportunities to explore the text you read together. My suggestion is to:
(1) Buy yourself and your child copies of whichever book you choose
(2) Assign a digestible portion for your both to read
(3) Encourage them to write down questions they think are interesting and highlight points they think are important to talk through in their book (remember, real reading requires writing a little!)
(4) Take them out to a favorite restaurant, ice cream place, or coffee shop where you can enjoy a treat together and have unhurried time to explore the section.
I find this helpful with teens because the text (assuming its good) will give tons to learn from and consider. The discussion will allow them time to exercise their intake skills (reading, listening) and outtake skills (speaking) and deepen their bond with you. This will provide them opportunities to learn true things and practice good skills and help them mature as image bearers, feeling the freedom that comes with discovering truth, goodness, and beauty.
Also, this method is not preparation heavy. There’s no scope and sequence, no worksheets, no lectures to prepare, and no tests to take or grades to assign. There is no work to be done but read, reflect for yourself, and then discuss with your child to explore all its treasures together.
Good Questions to Consider
For the discussion, make sure your questions are open ended to help stir conversation instead of closing it. If you choose a more theological text, consider preparing questions like these:
What did you find most interesting or surprising? Why?
Are there any questions or things you don’t understand from this reading?
What do we learn about God’s character in this?
What did you learn about yourself in this?
How does what we’ve read compare to other things you’ve heard or read from other places?
What lessons could we apply to our own lives?
If you are reading a biography or novel, try these on for size:
How do you think the characters felt during this event?
If you were in [character’s name]’s place, what would you have done differently?
How does this story compare to others we’ve read, or stories you know from other places?
What do you think this story tells us about [God, goodness, forgiveness, love, etc.]?
Do you think this story would be different if told from another character’s perspective? Why?
What does this text teach us about virtue (that is, what being a good human means)?
How do you feel after reading this story?
How does this challenge you?
As you can see, discussing texts with teens goes far when you allow them to take part in what’s focused on together. Don’t come in with an agenda other than to talk about the things of God and the good life – the good, the true, and the beautiful – with your child. Each hour spent together will not only stir them and equip them, but it will provide you priceless time to deepen your bond with your child and give them a taste of the deliciousness of pursuing truth together.
Books to Consider
Here is a list of books I plan to read with my kids in their teenage years.
Biographies
The sermons that people’s lives preach are hard to ignore.
Here are some biographies that will supply you and your child loads to be challenged, inspired, and stirred up by.
The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. Corrie ten Boom tells her story of helping Jews escape the Holocaust and her experience in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. It’s a powerful story of faith, courage, and forgiveness.
Through Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot. This book tells the story of five missionaries, including Elliot’s husband Jim, who were killed in Ecuador while trying to reach the Waodani (Huaorani) tribe with the gospel. It’s a testament to missionary zeal and the impact one can have even in death.
God’s Smuggler by Brother Andrew with John and Elizabeth Sherrill. Brother Andrew, known for smuggling Bibles into communist countries, shares his adventures and how faith guided him through dangerous missions behind the Iron Curtain.
Amy Carmichael: Rescuer of Precious Gems by Janet and Geoff Benge (from the Christian Heroes: Then & Now series). Amy Carmichael’s life story of missionary work in India, where she established an orphanage and refuge for temple girls, is beautifully told in this book aimed at younger readers but still appealing to teens.
The Jesus Freaks Series by DC Talk and the Voice of the Martyrs. Although more biographical, these books tell the stories of young Christians who faced persecution for their faith, inspiring courage and conviction in readers.
Novels
Novels provide a unique opportunity to learn about reality through the window of fiction. Stories can do more than just entertain us, but form us.
Here are some good novels to start with.
The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. Although not explicitly Christian in narrative, these books are rich with Christian allegory. The series follows the adventures of children in the magical land of Narnia, where they encounter Aslan, a Christ-like lion.
The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson. This series includes “On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness,” “North! Or Be Eaten,” “The Monster in the Hollows,” and “The Warden and the Wolf King.” It tells the story of the Igiby siblings in the world of Aerwiar, with themes of faith, courage, and redemption.
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. This novel introduces us to Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit who embarks on an adventure with a wizard and thirteen dwarves. While not overtly Christian, Tolkien’s work is imbued with themes of good vs. evil, redemption, and the power of humility and courage, which resonate with Christian values.
The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. A sequel to “The Hobbit,” this epic trilogy follows Frodo Baggins and the Fellowship of the Ring on a quest to destroy the One Ring. It’s filled with Christian symbolism, particularly in the themes of sacrifice, the battle against corruption, and the redemptive power of mercy and humility.
Theology
Tozer once said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” He was right. Therefore, helping your child think deeply about God is one of the most important tasks you have as a parent.
Here are some great books to help with that.
This Changes Everything: How the Gospel Transforms the Teen Years by Jaquelle Crowe. A theologically rich yet accessible book written by a teenager for teenagers. It explains how the gospel radically impacts every aspect of a teen’s life, from relationships to personal habits. This book is excellent for teens because it challenges them to live out their faith with purpose and conviction, offering practical insights into applying the gospel’s truths during their formative years. It encourages a deeper, more serious commitment to Christianity at a time when many might be swayed by cultural pressures.
The Big God Story by Vaughn Roberts. A comprehensive overview of the Bible’s narrative, focusing on the theme of the kingdom of God. It’s excellent for teens because it simplifies complex biblical stories into one cohesive storyline, helping them understand how each part of the Bible interconnects. This book equips young readers with tools to read and interpret Scripture with confidence, making it an invaluable resource for deepening their faith and biblical literacy.
Life’s Biggest Questions by Erik Thoennes. This book tackles fifteen of life’s biggest questions relating to God and His relationship to humanity, presenting biblical answers. It’s an excellent crash course on Christianity for believers and seekers alike.
10 Questions Every Teen Should Ask (and Answer) about Christianity by Rebecca McLaughlin. This book addresses ten common questions that teens might have about Christianity, from the reliability of the Bible to issues of faith and science, providing clear, biblically-based answers.
Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex & Brett Harris. While not strictly a theology book, it challenges Christian teens to live out their faith through action, encouraging them to think deeply about their purpose and calling from a biblical perspective.
One Life by Rico Tice. A jargon-free introduction to Christianity, this book explores who Jesus is, why He came, and what it means to follow Him, using the Gospel of Mark. It’s ideal for anyone with little or no experience of Christianity, especially teens.
If I Could Ask God One Question by Barry Cooper.This book answers the 12 most frequently asked questions about God, providing thoughtful, compassionate answers from a Christian perspective. It’s designed to engage those curious about faith or those who have specific questions they’d like addressed.
The Case for Faith for Kids by Lee Strobel. An adaptation of Strobel’s adult book, this version tackles tough questions about faith, such as the problem of suffering, miracles, and the exclusivity of Christianity, all aimed at a younger audience. If your kids can handle it, go for the adult version.
A Student’s Guide to Culture by John Stonestreet and Brett Kunkle. This book equips teens to navigate contemporary culture through a biblical worldview, addressing topics like media, music, sex, and more, helping them discern and engage with culture critically.
A Rebel’s Manifesto: Choosing Truth, Real Justice, and Love amid the Noise of Today’s World. by Sean McDowell. A guide for young Christians seeking to navigate modern cultural challenges while adhering to their faith. It encourages a form of rebellion that is loving and just, addressing topics like bullying, social media, sex, and climate change from a biblical perspective. The book provides practical advice and promotes civil engagement, urging readers to speak truth in love, fostering a spirit of kindness, understanding, and respect in a world often at odds with Christian values.
(For Our Daughters) Lies Young Women Believe. And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Dannah Gresh: This book targets teenage girls, debunking common myths and lies about identity, beauty, relationships, and faith, encouraging them to embrace truth and live according to biblical principles.
(For Our Sons) What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter by Voddie Baucham Jr.. Although more directed at parents, this book discusses the biblical qualifications for a godly husband, which can be insightful for young men considering relationships, marriage, and family from a Christian perspective.
Philosophy
We won’t be able to live well unless we know how to think well. These books will help you and your child do just that.
Christian Philosophy as a Way of Life: An Invitation to Wonder by Ross D. Inman presents philosophy as an integral part of Christian living, emphasizing wonder as the catalyst for exploring life’s big questions through grace-empowered practices. It’s good for teens because it invites them to harmonize their faith with intellectual curiosity, providing practical tools for personal and spiritual growth while navigating modern challenges. This book encourages young readers to live philosophically in a way that aligns with Christian values, making philosophy accessible and relevant to their daily lives.
Five Dialogues by Plato. This collection includes essential works like “Euthyphro,” “Apology,” “Crito,” “Meno,” and “Phaedo,” where Socrates grapples with questions of ethics, justice, and knowledge. It’s an invaluable read for teens as it introduces them to the art of critical thinking, moral philosophy, and the Socratic method, encouraging a deeper exploration of personal and societal values.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Written by a Roman Emperor, this book is a personal reflection on Stoic philosophy, emphasizing self-discipline, humility, and acceptance of life’s challenges. It’s a great resource for teenagers learning to manage their emotional and personal growth, offering insights into leadership, resilience, and maintaining inner peace in the face of external turmoil.
Letters from a Stoic by Seneca. This compilation of letters provides Seneca’s guidance on living a virtuous life through Stoic philosophy, touching on themes like friendship, anger management, and facing mortality. It’s particularly useful for teens because it teaches emotional regulation, the pursuit of wisdom, and how to navigate life’s highs and lows with grace.
Enchiridion by Epictetus. A succinct guide to Stoicism, this book offers practical advice on controlling one’s desires and focusing on what is within one’s power. Its directness and practicality make it an excellent choice for teenagers seeking quick, actionable wisdom to lead a life of virtue, especially under the pressures of modern life.
Love Your God with All Your Mind: The Role of Reason in the Life of the Soul by J.P. Moreland. Moreland argues for the integration of faith and intellect, encouraging Christians to engage with philosophy and science. It’s an inspirational call to use their minds for God’s glory, showing how intellectual pursuit can deepen faith.
I think most of us would like to help the youths of our day grow in wisdom, but sometimes our little nuggets of advice aren’t actually helpful. Occasionally, our sagely counsel, though thoroughly well-intentioned, ends up hamstringing them.
In my limited experience as a teacher, professor, and pastor, here are five things I’d advise us to stop advising.
Sin dishonors God, even teenage sin. It enslaves and corrupts those who practice or nourish it. The more our kids sin the easier and more regular it becomes. Encouraging, permitting, waving off, or chuckling at teenage folly — sexual immorality, drunkenness, violence, or other high school debaucheries — will only establish those cravings, desires, and behaviors deep in their heart so they bear fruit well into their future.
Their teen years are entrusted them by God to love him and others. Do we really want to be telling our kids to foolishly steward the resources of their king in a way that dishonors him? Imagine if there was a fourth guy in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) who didn’t bury his talent, but spent it on bud light, porn, and vape pens. I shudder to think.
Let’s make this wisdom great again, “Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth” (Eccesiastes 12:1).
“Get good grades”
Don’t encourage your kids to get good grades. Encourage them to cultivate their ability to think (reason), their ability to live according to truth (wisdom), and the kind of person they are (character). Stop asking, “How are your grades?” and start asking, “How are you growing?” Stop caring about report cards that won’t matter a lick to you or them ten years from now. Care about the character and wisdom that will matter every day of their gosh darn life.
Training your kid to focus on grades will help them be compliant slaves ready and able to obey whatever master comes their way. They’ll live only to get the promised treat or avoid the threatened consequence, which is a life that’s far removed from wisdom. Instead, if you focus on growing mental and moral virtues, they’ll flourish as free people wherever they’re planted (likely getting good grades to boot) and continue growing well into the future. The aim of education for the Christian is not a good GPA, but becoming human fully alive to better reflect and live like the God whose image they bear.
“Don’t get married too young”
We tell them, “Take time to travel,” “find yourself,” be independent,” or “just have some fun.” There are two implications behind this counsel: marriage is a bummer and you can always get married later. Both of those are wrong.
First, God makes clear in Scripture and in the world that marriage is a gift to be honored, prepared for, and sought out as early as one’s maturity and circumstance qualifies them. In fact, marriage is one of God’s most powerful ways that he matures us! It isn’t a bummer, but a blessing. Second, the more one waits for marriage the less likely it becomes. The options are fewer and the social groups they’re a part of become smaller. If anything, waiting only increases the pressure for folks to settle for a spouse that is less than desirable. Supply and demand doesn’t just work in economics, but relationships as well.
Instead, we should teach our each kids what God says: marriage is a blessing that enriches and matures them and they should wisely seek a spouse as early as circumstances permit. It’s a gift to be enjoyed, not a curse to endure or push off.
“Wait for kids”
Same logic as above. It is folly to train our kids to see God’s gifts as anything else but that. Kids are blessings (Psalm 127:3-5). God loves when we have babies (Genesis 1:28). Jesus loved kids (Matthew 19:14). Practically, having kids early gives your children the gift of younger, stronger, more energetic parents well into their adulthood. Does this mean that having kids later in life is wrong? Not at all! It means having kids is good and we should celebrate when young married folk are excited to increase their tribe as early as possible.
“But,” one may say, “having kids will keep you from doing things for yourself like traveling, having more money, making progress in your career.” Yea, there will be sacrifices to make to have children. But, isn’t that, like, love? Someone (Jesus) once said, “It is better to give than receive.” If he was right (he was), maybe the good life we seek won’t be found in focusing on our wants, but the true good of others?
Maybe, good gifts are just that: good. It’s wise to teach our kids to chase after good things.
“You have to go college”
If they have a goal college will help them accomplish like becoming a doctor, lawyer, professor, etc., then, for sure. But, if your child is aimless or their work aspirations don’t call for it (e.g. they’d like to do a trade instead or become a homemaker), don’t tell them to go to college, it’s a waste of their time and resources.
Consider how many young adults have gone through college only to end up in jobs that don’t necessitate that degree (art majors working as secretaries, business majors working construction, communications majors working for insurance) or to become homemakers burdened with debt. The pursuit of higher education in such cases gives the illusion of progress but results in accruing debt and wasting time during crucial years.
Instead, encourage your kids to grow in virtue and knowledge (it can be done without college or formal schooling, and sometimes even better). If they don’t have a plan, guide them to start working in some area they’re interested for experience, knowledge, and a better idea of where they want to be in the future. Teach them to fulfill their responsibilities, to love God, family, and church, and to invest their time and money in something that’s truly meaningful for their lives now and well into the future. College is good for those who need it, not so much if they’ve no idea or plan on how to use it.
Becoming a Christian isn’t only learning the new, sweet things of Jesus, but unlearning the old things of the world. Like our clothes, we need to daily put on his wisdom and put off the world’s stupidity. It’s crucial that we don’t just nod along to the popular beliefs of our day but, instead, drag every single one of our old, crusty ideas into the sanitizing light of God’s truth. If we do this right, the kids we’re guiding will be grateful we didn’t leave them wallowing in the same old muck we grew up with.
A Pilgrim's Friend 