Are You Bringing Your Spouse Happiness?

One time, as I was reading through Deuteronomy, I was struck by this passage:

“When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.” Deuteronomy 24:5

God so desires happy marriages, he commanded that a young, newly married man be allowed to stay home during war so he could “be happy with his wife.” Gary Thomas rightly notes that the purpose of marriage is not ultimately about your happiness, but your holiness. However, that doesn’t mean marital happiness is unimportant to God. God desires our marriages be holy and happy.

Two Good Questions

Spouse, are you happy? When you think about your spouse, do you smile? Do you see time spent alone with them as a delightful or dreadful thought? It is good to share finances, goals, responsibilities, and values, but do you share in happiness?

I think an important lesson to learn early in marriage is you can’t control how your spouse feels or what they do. You can control only what you think, feel, or do. So, maybe a better question is, “How are you seeking your spouse’s happiness?” Asking the first question, “Am I happy?” is good for reflection. Asking the second question, “How am I seeking my spouse’s happiness?” is good for action. The first will help you learn where you are. The second will help you get where you want to be.

Ten Great Questions

The passage from Deuteronomy shows us the Lord wants us to pursue our spouse’s joy. But how do we do that? Here are 10 questions to help you reflect on how you may bring your spouse happiness and strengthen your bond in the process.

1. What does my spouse enjoy?

Make a list of things you know your spouse likes. Special foods or treats? A spontaneous and thoughtfully planned date? Take out and a movie at home? Helping with home chores? Time alone to think, read, or exercise? Planning a vacation? Traveling together? Uninterrupted time to talk heart to heart? Once you make the list, make a plan to sprinkle these consistently into your schedule.

2. What does my spouse hate?

We all know what pushes our spouse’s buttons or frustrates them. They’ve likely told you, multiple times. It is good to know what your spouse doesn’t like, but not very helpful if you haven’t stopped doing them. When they share their frustrations, has your response been to ignore them or defend or excuse yourself? Or, has it been to delete those habits from your marriage? You’ll never have a genuinely happy marriage if you keep doing stuff that makes your spouse unhappy.

3. What might your spouse say is one or two things they wish you did more often to make them happy?

Try finishing those projects they’ve patiently requested you to complete. Help around the house. Do their laundry in the way they like. Put your phone away and ask, “What was the best part about your day?” Call the babysitter so you can go on a date and enjoy one another without interruption. Take the lead on planning a vacation or family experience. If you’re unsure, be courageous and ask them, “No judgments or complaints. I love you and want you to be bursting with joy. What are things you’d love for me to more often?”

4. How does my spouse receive love?

Gary Chapman has done everyone a great service in identifying the five love languages: touch, service, gifts, time, and words of affirmation. If you haven’t learned about these, then read or listen up, identify your spouse’s love language (they can take a test here), and learn to start speaking it fluently. Your love won’t go very far if you don’t express it in the language your spouse understands.

5. How do you respond when your spouse is stressed or upset, and could you improve in bringing comfort?

We all respond to conflict differently. Consider how you respond to disagreements with your spouse. Do you pour water or gas on the fire? How does your spouse respond to tense moments? What can you do to deescalate arguments or bring comfort to them in hard times? Here are some wise tips on handling conflict in marriage. Marriage is hard. Not knowing how to work through the hard moments makes it, well, a lot harder.

6. Do I praise my spouse to their face or in front of others?

We celebrate what we value. Does your spouse see your love for them in your celebrations or praises of their achievements or character? Or are your criticisms and complaints more readily offered? Do you celebrate your spouse’s successes, big or small, in a way that makes them feel appreciated? Do you brag about them in front of others? Do you praise them to their face with a smile or a hug? Have your kids heard about how rad mom or dad is from you? The presence of specific praise proves the reality of love.

7. Do I criticize my spouse more than I affirm them?

Think of your words as a relational bank account. Each genuine, specific affirmation is like depositing $10, building intimacy and trust. Every criticism, however, is like withdrawing $100. While constructive feedback is necessary since our spouses aren’t perfect, consistent affirmation ensures your account stays in the positive. This balance makes your feedback more likely to be valued and taken seriously, strengthening your marriage and not draining it.

8. What external obligations might be pulling you away from focusing on your spouse’s happiness?

The Lord has gifted and entrusted us many responsibilities outside of our marriage: work, kids, hobbies, friendships, community service, church, and the like. Though good, if not examined, these things can easily distract us from our most important human relationship: our spouse. Create a list of things that fill your schedule or take up bandwidth in your mind and ask, “Am I allowing these things to compete with my spouse for my attention?” Reorder your pursuits accordingly.

9. Are there things I have done or said that I should apologize for?

Trust is broken when we hurt our spouses. Often times, we respond to our shortcomings in unhealthy ways like ignoring, defending, justifying, minimizing, or blameshifting. Whenever we respond to our faults or weaknesses this way, it widens the wound, making things more painful for them and causing further distance between us. Instead, when your realize you’ve done wrong, learn to say these nine magic words and mean them deep in your bones, “I hurt you. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” You won’t be able to avoid hurting your spouse, but you are able to apologize whenever you do.

10. Are there small, consistent habits I can adopt to ensure I show appreciation for my spouse?

Marriage is like a garden that needs tending each day. What are small, manageable practices you can adopt to water and weed the garden of your marriage? Try brewing their morning coffee exactly how they like it so it’s ready the moment they wake up. Initiate intimacy with enthusiasm and playfulness. Take over a chore they dislike (e.g., washing the dishes after dinner). Setting aside time to watch their favorite show together, giving them your full attention and no snarky commentary! Buy them their favorite snack and leave it on the counter with a note saying “I love you, have the best day!” Give them a shoulder massage after a long day. Plan a short evening walk to chat and reconnect. Clean their car or fill up their gas tank. Leave a warm towel on the bathroom counter for their shower. Small, daily gestures tailored to their preferences are powerful ways to show love, support, and appreciation.

No One Falls Out of Love

A joyful marriage, as Deuteronomy 24:5 reminds us, is God’s design for us and it requires intentional effort, not chance. Gary Thomas once wisely observed, “Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance.” By identifying and repenting of our shortcomings (not our spouse’s!) and taking steps to nourish our marriage, we foster our spouse’s happiness and glorify God.

Brothers and sisters, nurture your marriages. Consider reflecting and taking action on one of these questions this week. Or, maybe you share this blog with your spouse and talk about what you’d love to see happen in your marriage. Whatever you do, remember this: avoid focusing on your spouse’s faults and evaluate your actions. Examine yourself and labor in love for their joy and the Lord’s glory. Happiness awaits.

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Thoughts on Envy

“And Saul eyed David from that day on.” 1 Samuel 18:9

It is well known that King Saul was envious of David’s early success. Instead of recognizing and repenting of his envy, Saul leaned into it. The more David succeeded, the more his hatred grew. It turned him away from directing the kingdom to a monomaniacal focus of destroying David. Saul, the king, became envy’s slave.

As I read, I considered how powerful an example Saul is of envy’s danger. For those with eyes to see, here are a few truths about envy worth our consideration.

What Is Envy?

Envy is resenting a rival because of a good they possess. It will help to break this down piece by piece.

Envy is resentment

Saul did not enjoy the praise given to David and murderously despised David for it (1 Samuel 18:8-11). Envy is not a positive emotion. It isn’t a smile, but a frown. As the kids say, it isn’t a good vibe. The eye of envy has a furrowed brow toward its object.

Envy resents a rival

Envy cares only about the goods of someone who exists in their arena. A doctor doesn’t resent the plumber for his successes as a plumber. A homemaker doesn’t get agitated by the accolades of a rocket scientist, but constantly finds herself triggered by the Instagram reels of a mom who seems to be crushing it. Yet, Saul envied David because his success, reputation, and praise he gained as a leader of Israel. To him, David was a threat to his own position and praise as Israel’s king. Envy never arises in our hearts toward people outside our lane, only those deem rivals in an area meaningful to us.

Envy resents a rival’s good

Envy only happens when a rival possesses some kind of good we want for ourselves. No one envies the failure or deficiency of a rival, only the goods they’ve gained through achievement or nature. Envy enjoys the downfall of rivals and it’s pained by their achievements.

Feelings of resentment toward others because of their possessed goods can be experienced as an individual or because we’re associated with a certain group. We can resent the other team because they win the game. We can hate the other political party because they have the public favor we want for our side. At the end of the day, envy is peeved at another (or others) because we see their success as our failure, their praise as our condemnation, and their rise as our fall

What Does Envy Do?

Having identified what envy is, consider now what it does.

Envy hates

Envy begins with mild resentment that, if nourished, matures to hardened hatred. Saul began by being displeased by the songs of David’s praise and quickly becomes devoted to his destruction at any opportunity (1 Sam. 18:10-11, 18:17, 18:20-25, 19:1, 19:9-10, 19:11-17, 19:20-24, 20:30-33, 23:7-8, 23:15-29, 24:1-2, 26:1-2). Envy is a hateful thing.

Envy enslaves

As you can see from the many instances cited above where Saul seeks David’s end, his envy wasn’t a mild irritation he sometimes struggled with, but an enslaving desire that reigned over him more powerfully than he reigned over Israel. Nothing inside Saul – his thoughts, desires, or actions – was untouched by the corrupting vice of envy. Envy is a cancer that spreads everywhere and corrupts everything.

Envy opposes

Once Saul identified David as a rival, he became an enemy to be stopped or diminished. In high school, I remember having the habit of downplaying the victories of my teammates by saying, “That’s only because has an easy weight class.” Even in their absence, I felt a need to demote them in the eyes of others. I turned my own teammates into my opponents. Envy does not celebrate, support, or even tolerate the goods of our rivals; it slights and fights them at every opportunity.

Envy destroys

As we see in Saul’s life, envy seeks to destroy our rivals and, in the process, destroys us. At the end of his reign, Saul was an empty, miserable, and useless man. His envy failed to kill or stop David, but it successfully destroyed him.

Knowing something’s danger is necessary if we’re to protect ourselves from it. Like fleeing a venomous snake, we must actively combat envy to protect our hearts.

How Do We Fight Envy?

Recognizing a sickness is a first step, but it is only that: a first step. How do we avoid and fight the beast of envy once we’ve recognized it? Here are three answers.

Remember the emptiness of successes

The goods we most naturally and foolishly chase after are, after closer examination, unable to deliver what they promise. Money makes you hungry for the money you don’t have and anxious about losing the money you do have. The praise of people is quite the drug whose addiction makes you a miserable slave until the next hit. A legacy that reaches the greatest heights of fame is still unknown by the vast majority of the world and is inevitably forgotten by those who do know. Like the smell of a new car, the achievements we crave cannot grant us the joy we yearn for. Remembering the vanity of earthly treasures will lessen our dislike of those who gain them.

Remember the weakness of yourself

Envy makes us upset that people don’t praise or respect us, but remembering our own weaknesses, shortcomings, sins, vices, and shameful blind spots helps us remember we don’t deserve the hype we crave. Even more, far from making us agitated we’re not celebrated, a sober self-estimation will lead us to praise God we’re not condemned!

Remember the gospel of Jesus Christ

When we see our sin in the light of the cross we gain a humility that won’t hunger for applause or despise others for their successes. When we see God’s grace for our sin in light of the cross we gain a joy that earthly goods could never compete with. The one whose heart has been changed by the gospel is, therefore, too sober-minded to think they deserve praise and too content to seek it.

Those changed by the cross don’t envy others’ success like Saul, but they celebrate them like Jonathan. After David defeated Goliath and became Israel’s new rock star. We read this of Jonathan:

The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul…Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. (1 Samuel 18:1-4)

Jonathan, the expected successor of Saul’s throne, saw David’s victory as a reason not for hate, but love. In the same way, those who live in the shadow of the cross cheerfully celebrate and support others who succeed, even if they’re in their arena, because they’ve been freed by knowing who they are, who God is, and the true good they have in the gospel. They’re not enslaved by envy’s hate, but freed by the gospel’s joy.

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You Should Judge People

Non-believers’ favorite teaching of Jesus is, “Do not judge.” Whenever a Christian speaks about the goodness or badness of an idea, action, or choice, they’re ready to recite it from memory with all the earnestness and pomp of an old-school Bible-Thumping preacher.

The problem is Jesus doesn’t teach that.

Jesus on Judging

Far from forbidding judging others, Jesus and his Apostles command it. Consider:

In John 7:24, he instructs, “Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly,” urging righteous discernment.

In Matthew 18:15, he directs believers to confront a sinning brother, saying, “Go and point out their fault,” outlining the process of corrective judgment.

Jesus also warns in Matthew 7:15 to “watch out for false prophets,” requiring evaluation of others’ obedience to Scripture to discern the trustworthiness of their words.

Even in Matthew 7:1, where He says, “Judge not, lest you be judged,” Jesus is not prohibiting judgment but hypocritical judgment, illustrating in Matthew 7:4-5 that one must remove the “log” from their own eye so they can see clearly to help a brother with a “speck.”

This call to judge rightly isn’t just from Jesus—Paul echoes it, urging believers to judge within the church to maintain its purity (1 Corinthians 5:12).

Jesus is against hypocritical, undiscerning, and ill-founded judgments, but he clearly calls believers to judge with fairness and wisdom to uphold the truth and protect themselves and the church.

Defining Our Terms

Why are so many confused about this? The problem lays in incorrectly defining the word “judge.” In today’s normal use, the word judge means to look down on or condescendingly evaluate someone. This understanding of judgment is obviously wrong and the passages above show Jesus think so too. However, the definition of the word judge is to form an opinion or conclusion about something. If you see a man with a gun in hand in public you judge him dangerous and call the police. If you enjoy a conversation and think someone kind, you’ve judged them. When a friend is crying you judge them in need of your care. Judgments are decisions. Understanding this definition gives us some helpful insights.

Judging is neutral. Judging itself is not inherently right or wrong. How and why you judge determines its morality.

Judging is unavoidable. Whenever you make decisions based on what you hear or see, you are judging. Every hour, you make judgments.

Judging is important. The decisions you make have an enormous influence on the kind of life you live. Your soul, your family, your church, and your life hang upon the soundness of your judgments.

Judgments can be good or bad depending on the criteria and motive, but they are not inherently wrong; they’re unavoidable and important. Everyone makes judgments about everything.

Judge Correctly

Some fear judging lacks love or humility, but Jesus shows it embodies both when aimed at restoration and grounded in truth. As quoted above, Jesus says, “Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly” (John 7:24). The question, then, is not, “Should I judge?” but “How am I judging?”

Here are three necessary aspects of godly, correct judgment.

(1) Correct Judgment Is Based on Truth

Godly judgment is based what we see in life by the light of God’s Word, not our fleeting opinions, emotions, preferences, biases, or sinful tendencies. It’s discerning what people say and do in the light of God’s standard (Matthew 7:15-20).

(2) Correct Judgment Is Made with Humility

How easy it is to have 20-20 vision of other peoples’ sins while being blind to our own! Godly judgment can only be made with humble and honest self-examination. If we don’t examine our own sin correctly, how could we possibly help others with theirs? Matthew 7:5 warns to remove your own “log” before pointing out another’s speck. It’s a clear-eyed judgment unblinded by self-defending pride.

(3) Correct Judgment Is for the Sake of Love

Love for God and others is the driving motive of godly judgment, not pride or prejudice. It’s aim is restore or protect, not ruin or insult. Jesus urges Christians to confront the sin of their fellow church members to “gain your brother” (Matthew 18:15). Paul tells believers they are to judge those within the church (1 Corinthians 5:12) in order that they may be “saved on the day of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 5:5). Correct judgment is a redemptive act to heal believers from soul-killing sin (Matt. 18:15; 1 Corinthians 5:1-5), protect the purity church (1 Corinthians 5:6-7), and thus magnify the glory of God. Correct judgment is not prohibited because of love, it’s fueled by it.

Our world is filled with “dangers, toils, and snares.” If we are wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16) in our judgments (that is, our opinions or conclusions about what we see or hear), then we’re in danger, of little use to those we love, and open to all Satan’s deceptive schemes.

Beloved, judge well.

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What Is a Godly Man?

Edited from a sermon delivered to Chino Valley Community Church men’s gathering on Saturday, May 3, 2025

In a world clouded by confusion about identity, the question “What is a man?” often elicits blank stares or shallow stereotypes. As believers, we don’t need to wrestle with cultural fog. Instead, we ask a better question: What kind of man does God call me to be?

Why This Matters

The stakes are high when it comes to the question of manhood. Counterfeit versions of manhood abound. It seems we’ve just as much to unlearn as we do to learn. Also, men dramatically shape their health and culture of their homes, churches, and communities—for better or worse. For example, consider the contrast between the family legacies of the criminal Max Jukes and the godly pastor Jonathan Edwards. After scholars studied multiple descendants from both men, here is what they found:

Max Jukes’ generational legacy included 60 thieves, 190 prostitutes, 150 other convicts, 310 beggars, and 440 individuals ravaged by alcohol addiction, with 300 dying prematurely.

Jonathan Edwards’ legacy included one U.S. Vice-President, one dean of a law school, one dean of a medical school, three U.S. Senators, three governors, three mayors, 13 college presidents, 30 judges, 60 doctors, 65 professors, 75 military officers, 80 public office holders, 100 lawyers, 100 clergymen, and 285 college graduates.”

A man’s influence is generational. Men, as bearers of God’s image alongside women, are called to reflect His glory in a distinctly masculine way. (1 Corinthians 11:7), then God being known and loved is directly affected by men knowing who we are and living that out.

So, again, what is a godly man? Thankfully, our Heavenly Father hasn’t left his sons without an answer. Through the words of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5, we see a godly man knows his call, fulfills his responsibilities, and remembers his need.

1. Godly Men Know Their Call (Ephesians 5:1–2)

The world’s models of manhood—romantic conquests (bedrooms), wealth (billfolds), or athletic prowess (ballfields)—are shallow, misleading, and destructive. Men who imitate these models do little good and much harm to themselves, their families, and society. Instead, the Lord provides us a different model: himself. Ephesians 5:1–2 says:

“Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

God’s picture of godly manhood is given us definitively in Christ. His character, conduct, and concerns are the standards to measure ourselves by and model after.

Some may hesitate here and think, “Isn’t Jesus a bit soft?” Although Christian art often depicts Jesus as soft or effeminate, the Scriptures paint a different picture. J. Oswald Sanders wrote,

“There was nothing soft or effeminate about Jesus. He was the strong Son of God, strenuous and virile. He confronted hypocrisy with scathing denunciation, drove the money-changers from the temple, and stood erect and calm before Pilate. Yet He wept over Jerusalem, took little children into His arms, and was moved with compassion at human sorrow. No one ever feared that contact with Jesus would sap his manhood. He was the manliest of men.”

A simple reading of the gospels will demonstrate the truth Sanders noted. Not only was Jesus a man, but he was a manly man who avoided the twin distortions of emotionally stunted strength and weak emotionalism. He was a man who seamlessly blended strength with compassion, courage with intelligence, and labor with love. A man worthy of imitation.

Children who mimic their fathers teach us a valuable lesson. They don’t just listen to their dads, they watch them closely. In doing so, inch by inch and often without anyone noticing, they become like them. The lesson? We become who we behold. Rather than comparing ourselves to flawed cultural icons, God’s men heed the call to fix our eyes on Christ as he’s revealed in Scripture. By beholding Him we will become like him.

Understanding our call, godly men must now fulfill our responsibilities.

2. Godly Men Fulfill Their Responsibilities (Ephesians 5:22–6:4)

Scripture is clear that God created men and women equal in value but distinct in roles. Both equally important and importantly different. Men are uniquely called to lead in family and church, not out of superiority as a ruler, but in obedience as one with entrusted responsibility. In Scripture, this responsibility to lead is established at creation and reinforced throughout the rest of Scripture. Leadership for men at home and church isn’t decided by us, but designed by God. The question isn’t if men are leaders (they are), but whether they’re good or bad leaders.

What are they specifically responsible to lead?

A) You Are Responsible to Lead Your Wife (Ephesians 5:22–30)

Husbands are the “head of their wives as Christ is the head of the church (Eph. 5:23). They’re responsible to love their wives “as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). This isn’t merely providing for their wife’s physical needs or pacifying their complaints—it’s sacrificing themselves for their wives’ good (Eph. 5:25), nurturing their wife’s holiness in Christ (Eph. 5:26-27), and selflessly and attentively caring for their wife’s needs as they do their own bodies (Eph. 5:28-30). If anyone is afraid of or upset at the idea of male headship, reread the responsibilities above. Biblical headship isn’t cruel tyranny, it’s sacrificial love. It is not about men getting, but giving; not about what’s owed, but what’s due; not about self-satisfaction, but giving ourselves for the satisfaction of another. Misogyny? Primitive, woman-belittling chauvinism? I think not.

Now, some husbands may object, “But you don’t know my wife, she is difficult!” Frankly, that’s irrelevant. Our wife’s receptivity, response, difficulty, or immaturity may make our jobs more or less difficult, but it doesn’t erase our responsibility. Remember, Jesus didn’t wait for the church to be “lovely” before loving her (Romans 5:8), but he loved her to make her lovely. Go and do likewise.

B) You Are Responsible to Lead Your Children (Ephesians 6:1–4)

As the head of the home, fathers are uniquely (though not exclusively) responsible for their children’s spiritual growth. Ephesians 6:4 instructs, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This cuts to the heart of men’s selfish tendencies to dodge or delegate this duty to others (e.g. our church, youth ministry, wives, kids’ mentors, or schools). Children are a father’s “first sheep”. While a wife is a vital Helper, the father remains the accountable Head to disciple them in the Lord.

This responsibility involves two important works.

First, Fathers Must Avoid Tearing Down Their Kids

First, Paul warns fathers that they must not tear their children down (6:4). It is easy for fathers to carelessly anger their children through excessive criticism, ignoring their concerns, or imposing arbitrary rules (“eleventh commandments”) the Lord doesn’t assign them. Though easy to drift into, these tendencies foster resentment and negatively affect a father’s ministry to his children. If you are personally unaware of how you may needlessly upset your children, ask your wife, “Are there things I do that anger the kids?” I am sure she’ll help.

Second, Fathers Must Work to Build Up Their Kids

Paul points out two ways a father goes about this work. First, he is to discipline his children. Like a coach, fathers are to formatively discipline their children to grow in wisdom and skill for life and correctively discipline their kids when they err. The first seeks to cultivate Christ-like virtues in our kids (justice, self-control, honesty, diligence, etc.) and the second seeks to correct unChrist-like vices (dishonesty, selfishness, disobedience, etc.). The first plants seeds in and the second pulls weeds out of our children’s character. In addition to discipline, fathers hold the mantle of teaching their kids the Word of God. This includes reading, explaining, and discussing the Scriptures and the truths of the faith. It involves modeling for our kids what a genuine, Christ-adoring Christian life looks like. Both a father’s words and his deeds – his teaching and his example – are essential for a child to understand the Word of God.

Cultivating our children’s behavior and beliefs is not the ultimately the responsibility of our church’s, youth groups, schools, or kid’s mentors; it is the father’s. Fathers, in teaching your children to keep their eye on the GPA, the academic resume, or the ball, do not neglect your primary duty to help them keep their eye on Christ in all of life.

It may help to note that though these two responsibilities focus on the roles of husband and father, being a godly man does not require having a wife or children (although most men are called to such a ministry). The heart expressed in these roles—sacrificial love, faithful stewardship, and leading others toward Christ—can be applied by any man at any stage. A single man can embody these by serving his church, mentoring others, or caring for family and friends with the same selfless devotion. Godliness flows ultimately from a heart aligned with God’s will, not from specific life circumstances.

C) You Are Responsible to Love Your Church (Ephesians 5:25)

Ephesians 5:25 is famous for instructing husbands to love their wives like Christ loves the church, but men must not forget to love the church like Christ loves the church! What would your relationship with someone look like if they hated or were ambivalent to the well-being of your wife? What then of our relationship with Jesus if we dismiss or reject his bride, the church? Instead, like the men of Nehemiah’s day were called to build and protect Jerusalem (God’s beloved city) so God’s men today are to fill their church’s gaps with service—teaching, helping, or mentoring— and fortify the church with their strength. Godly men are not merely consumers or critics of the church, but construction workers who labor for her good.

Godly men know their call and fulfill their responsibilities. What is the last instruction for those wanting to be God’s men?

3. Godly Men Remember Their Need (Ephesians 2:8–10)

Not long ago I watched a video online of a man teaching another man’s son how his misbehavior and folly affected his father. He told the boy to get on his father’s back as he did push ups. As the father slowly grew tired, arms shaking, and barely able to push up any longer, he explained to the son that his folly put more weight on his father’s already burdened back. The scene was a powerful lesson not only of a son’s responsibility, but of the weight that all fathers carry. Their wife, their kids, and their community burden their shoulders every day they wake up.

The call to godly manhood is weighty.

After hearing this high call, you may feel you’ve failed or will inevitably fail in the role God has called you. Let me be clear, you have and you will. But, dear brothers, remember this in all you do: your strength isn’t in your skill or perfection—it’s in Christ. Ephesians 2:8–10 reminds:

By grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

In the face of your shortcomings, sins, and inadequacies do not hide, minimize, or ignore your guilt. But grab it in full, walk to the cross of Christ and drop all of it there and leave it for dead, for that is where it dies. Then, as you stand in the glorious shadow of the cross, look to Christ to teach, lead, and strengthen you for the work he’s created and saved you to know for the good of others and the glory of His precious name. God’s men aren’t driven by fear, comparison, or worldly standards. They’re fueled by daily grace, as fresh as morning coffee. Men, you have a weighty call, but praise God, you have a worthy Savior.

Sons of the King

C.S. Lewis’ The Horse and His Boy captures the essence of godly leadership pictured above. King Lune tells his son, the king-in-waiting:

“For this is what it means to be a king: to be first in every desperate attack and last in every desperate retreat, and when there’s hunger in the land… [to] laugh louder over a scantier meal than any man in your land.”

Brothers, you are sons of the King of Kings. By God’s grace, the Spirit’s power, and the church’s support, live like it. Take courage and be the first in every desperate attack. Fulfill your responsibilities even if you’re the last one left. Rejoice loudly along the way because you know the True King has already won.

Throw off the distorted models of manhood in the world and be God’s man. Know your role, fulfill your responsibilities, and remember the gospel.

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Reflecting on Italy & Greece (Part One)

I took twenty-two folks (mostly high school students) to Italy and Greece on a fourteen day trip. We visited Rome, Florence, Balogna, Meteora, Delphi, Athens, Mykanos, Syros, ancient Ephesus in Turkey, and Patmos. We saw the Vatican, Colosseum, Roman Forum, Pantheon, Monasteries at Meteora, Temple of Apollo, Acropolis, Areopagus, Ephesian library and theater, and John’s cave where he lived in exile in Patmos. It was stunning.

T have those experiences be not only past memories, but present lessons, I’d like to reflect on them.

Some Reflections

Chronological Snobbery is difficult to maintain when you’re faced with the genius of history. Lewis coined the term chronological snobbery to speak about the smug attitude that believes new always means better. As the kids saw ancient architecture, artwork, engineering, and sculpting or heard ancient ideas about the democratic republic or philosophical wisdom they said, “Man, they were really smart.” No kidding. Though we have cell phones and planes, it isn’t clear we’ve progressed very far. In many areas, it seems we’ve stepped backward. One of the most important tools modern man needs is a rear view mirror.

People are a treasure. We met a lot kind, hospitable folks. Our guide, Milos – a 6’4″ Serbian (the runt in his family, because Serbs are apparently giants) was a gem. He lives in Greece, know everyone in Italy and the Greek island. Talking with him about his family, European politics, Serbia’s wild history, and his unique views on the the countries and cultures we visited was a highlight. Places are great, but people make them unforgettable.

Loving your country is good. Our Turkish guide was proud to show us Ancient Ephesus, thrilled by our gasps and incessant pictures. The Greek family who owned the restaurant we lunched at beamed as we savored every bite of their country’s traditional dishes. Our guides spoke of their nations triumphs and quirks without apology. They owned their flaws but never let it dim their love for home. Loving your country—and your kinfolk—isn’t just okay; it’s noble.

Character is the most important thing we have. Our trip was a glorious grind. Some days had us walk 25,000 steps. One day we visited three different cities. Equally exhilarating and exhausting. During the difficult times, I was reminded that our possessions, wealth, or even health are no where near as precious as our character. Patience, courage, compassion, and humility make hard times wonderful. Their opposites make even the easiest times miserable. What you have is pocket change compared to who you are.

Phones are black holes. There were times when I saw people standing before wonders like the Acropolis or the Colosseum staring at their phones. The gleaming Greek islands set in the turquoise Aegean sea were trumped by TikTok. Phones are sneaky drugs; black holes that take much and give little. How many soul-widening wonders are stolen by the Tiny Tyrant in our pocket?

Learning other beliefs forces you to examine your own. Few things expose our assumptions better than meeting folks who don’t share them. Experiencing cultures or speaking with people who don’t share our fundamental ideas is an excellent way to sharpen what we believe and why we believe it. Want to probe your own beliefs, customs, or assumptions, talk with people who don’t share them.

America has really good food. Let me first say that Italy and Greece has excellent food. I enjoyed every meal. I intentionally explored dishes I hadn’t had before. But, it needs to be said, Americas food game is strong. Don’t get me wrong, Italy has great pasta and pizza. Greek gyros are money. But, I think America Italians and Greeks crank those dishes up a notch. Bolder spices, bigger flavors, all-around yumminess. America’s great experiment isn’t just a constitutional republic, but food as well.

More reflections to come…

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Enjoying School Isn’t a Good Aim

Douglas Wilson wrote a banger on education where he persuasively shows that a student enjoying themselves now is a bad goal:

We tend to evaluate educational progress by the wrong criteria. Instead of evaluating the work to be done, and then working to bring our children to the point where they can do it, we go the other way. We ask, “How much work can my children do while still enjoying themselves?”

The Bible teaches that he who is slothful in his work is a brother to him who is a great destroyer (Prov. 18:9). Those who substitute anything for work in education are enemies and destroyers of education. The motives may be “good,” but the consequences are always the same. Now of course this is not a call for grim faces in education. But we must stop trying to get our children to enjoy themselves, and begin teaching them to enjoy their work. If we permit, for whatever reason, slothfulness in education, we are destroying education. And because we are destroying the education of our children, we are in fact attacking our children. 

For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load (Gal. 6:3-5). We must teach our children to guard against self-deception as they consider the academic work they do. In contrast to this, our government’s educational establishment has set up, as one of their primary objectives, the inculcation of such self-deception. “We want all the kids to feel good about themselves regardless of performance.” So they abolish grades, distinctions, and standards, all in the name of maintaining the students’ self-esteem. In other words, we want the students to think they are something when they are nothing. The charade may continue (possibly) until graduation, when the hapless graduate discovers that stupidity doesn’t work, and that he can’t either. The unkind world will only let him manage the kind of cash register manufactured by Fischer-Price. 

Education isn’t about feeling good now, but growing so you feel good for the right reasons later. As in the gym so in the world: you’ll never get stronger without sweaty and painful work.

Read the whole piece here.

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A GenZ Summary of Each Book in the Bible

AI is a powerful and awesome tool. I encourage you to learn how to use it well.

I’ll show you an example of how to use its power for good. I recently fed Grok this prompt to share with my theology students at my school:

Make a summary of each book in the Bible in GenZ slang and include how each points to Jesus (like he says they do in Luke 24:44-45). It can be more than a sentence, but keep it short and punchy.

Behold the power of Grok used for the honor of Jesus.

A GenZ Summary of Every Book of the Bible

Here’s a Bible book rundown for high school Gen Z vibes—short, punchy, and dripping with slang. Each one’s got how it points to Jesus (Luke 24:44-45), keeping it real and lit for the TikTok crowd. No cap, let’s yeet into it!

Old Testament

  1. Genesis – God yeets the world into existence, Adam and Eve fumble the bag, Noah’s ark is the OG boat flex; Jesus is the “seed” vibe promised to clap back at the snake.
  2. Exodus – Moses tells Pharaoh to get ratio’d, dips with the squad, gets lost; Jesus is the Passover Lamb who yeets us out of sin’s L.
  3. Leviticus – God drops a rulebook thicker than a group chat, all about sacrifices; Jesus is the GOAT offering, no more animal side quests.
  4. Numbers – Moses counts the fam, they’re mad salty, God’s like “not yet”; Jesus is the bread from heaven, way better than manna drip.
  5. Deuteronomy – Moses remixes the rules before he peaces out; Jesus is the prophet Moses hyped, bringing the ultimate W.
  6. Joshua – Joshua pulls up, claps Jericho’s walls, big dub; Jesus is the real Joshua, leading us to the chill promised land.
  7. Judges – Israel’s a hot mess, randoms step up, no cap; Jesus is the Judge who’s gonna flex and fix this chaos.
  8. Ruth – Ruth’s mad loyal, snags Boaz; Jesus is the redeemer bro who cops us back—straight fire.
  9. 1 Samuel – Saul’s a flop, David’s slingshot goes viral, Samuel’s the plug; Jesus is David’s big bro king, no Ls.
  10. 2 Samuel – David’s king, fumbles with Bathsheba, fam’s a reality show; Jesus is the clean David upgrade, no drama arc.
  11. 1 Kings – Solomon’s brain’s on fleek, then he simps too hard; Jesus is the wiser Solomon, building a kingdom that slaps.
  12. 2 Kings – Kings keep bricking, prophets spit facts, exile hits; Jesus is the king they teased, coming to clutch us back.
  13. 1 Chronicles – Fam tree dump, David’s the MVP; Jesus is the root and drip of David, the ultimate glow-up.
  14. 2 Chronicles – Temple’s poppin’, then flops, kings tank; Jesus is the walking temple, no cap, just vibes.
  15. Ezra – Exiles bounce back, Ezra’s on rebuild grind; Jesus is the priest who restores us, better than a glow-up arc.
  16. Nehemiah – Nehemiah fixes walls, haters pressed, he’s unbothered; Jesus rebuilds our trash lives, no tools, just facts.
  17. Esther – Esther’s a baddie, saves the day lowkey; Jesus is the stealth savior, flipping evil’s clout.
  18. Job – Job’s life gets yeeted, he’s big mad, still holds; Jesus is the comeback king Job’s hope was simping for.
  19. Psalms – David and crew drop bangers—happy, sad, SOS; Jesus is the vibe and the playlist, David’s Lord on lock.
  20. Proverbs – Solomon’s dropping life hacks, don’t be a clown; Jesus is wisdom IRL, walking the talk, no cap.
  21. Ecclesiastes – Life’s a big yikes, all vibes are mid; Jesus is the point behind the grind, eternal W secured.
  22. Song of Solomon – Solomon’s love track is sus and steamy; Jesus is the groom chasing us, cringe but goals.
  23. Isaiah – Doom’s trending, hope’s a teaser; Jesus is the servant who eats the L to heal us—lit prophecy.
  24. Jeremiah – Jeremiah’s emo, city’s cooked; Jesus is the new deal dude, fixing the old tea.
  25. Lamentations – Jeremiah’s crying, Jerusalem’s ratio’d; Jesus mourns too, then yeets death for the rebuild.
  26. Ezekiel – Wild visions, bones get a rez; Jesus is the shepherd dropping life on us skeletons—bussin’.
  27. Daniel – Lions, dreams, empires get clapped; Jesus is the Son of Man flexing forever, untouchable.
  28. Hosea – Hosea’s girl’s a cheugy mess, he’s still ride-or-die; Jesus is the loyal king, simping for us trash bags.
  29. Joel – Locusts pull up, God’s like “bet”; Jesus is the Spirit drip, fixing the bugged-out mess.
  30. Amos – Rich clowns get roasted; Jesus is the justice plug, making it fair, no cap.
  31. Obadiah – Edom’s too extra, gets smoked; Jesus is the vibe-checker, short and savage.
  32. Jonah – Jonah ghosts God, fish eats him, he delivers; Jesus is the three-day GOAT, saving more than a city.
  33. Micah – Crooks get called out, king teased; Jesus is the Bethlehem bae, ruling with no Ls.
  34. Nahum – Nineveh’s canceled, God’s pressed; Jesus is the judge dropping the ban hammer, no chill.
  35. Habakkuk – Evil’s popping off, God’s like “I gotchu”; Jesus is the fix to the “why” tea, clapping chaos.
  36. Zephaniah – Judgment’s a vibe, good peeps slide; Jesus is the safe spot, VIP pass on lock.
  37. Haggai – Temple’s mid, get to work; Jesus is the glow filling it, no construction Ls.
  38. Zechariah – Trippy dreams, donkey king; Jesus pulls up humble, fulfilling the wild receipts.
  39. Malachi – Priests are slackers, God’s over it; Jesus is the final messenger, dropping the mic.

New Testament

  1. Matthew – Jesus drops, teaches, dies, yeets death; He’s the Law and Prophets stan account, full send.
  2. Mark – Jesus grinds, heals, claps the grave; He’s Isaiah’s servant, no AFK, just W’s.
  3. Luke – Jesus vibes with the broke, dies, rises; He’s the savior for all, old scrolls spilling tea.
  4. John – Jesus is God, loves hard, bounces back; He’s the Word Moses and David were hyping, IRL.
  5. Acts – Disciples pop off, Spirit’s a cheat code; Jesus keeps the promise, dropping power from the top.
  6. Romans – Sin’s a vibe killer, Jesus saves; Paul says He’s the Psalms and Law plug, no cap.
  7. 1 Corinthians – Church is unhinged, Paul’s big mad; Jesus is the wisdom flex, old hints now HD.
  8. 2 Corinthians – Paul’s down bad, still preaching; Jesus is the strength in the Ls, prophets clocked it.
  9. Galatians – Rules are mid, Jesus is enough; He’s Abe’s seed, no extra clout needed.
  10. Ephesians – Saved, squad up, be chill; Jesus is the mystery the OGs were stanning.
  11. Philippians – Paul’s locked up, still vibin’; Jesus is Isaiah’s joy plug, jail or not.
  12. Colossians – Jesus is the main character, fakes flop; He’s the Psalms’ fullness, no knockoffs.
  13. 1 Thessalonians – Grind, wait, Jesus pulls up; He’s the prophets’ hype man, dropping soon.
  14. 2 Thessalonians – Keep it 100, He’s en route; Jesus ends the lawless clowns, old tea fulfilled.
  15. 1 Timothy – Paul coaches Tim, church on lock; Jesus is Moses’ mediator, running the game.
  16. 2 Timothy – Paul’s last flex, stay hard; Jesus is David’s king, worth the grind.
  17. Titus – Crete’s a mess, Titus fixes; Jesus is the grace drip, old promises delivered.
  18. Philemon – Slave’s back, Paul’s begging; Jesus is the reconciler, bigger than OT beef.
  19. Hebrews – Jesus owns the game, chill; He’s Leviticus’ priest and sacrifice, maxed out.
  20. James – Faith without grind is sus; Jesus is Moses’ law flex, walking the walk.
  21. 1 Peter – Life’s a drag, glory’s coming; Jesus is Isaiah’s precious rock, steady drip.
  22. 2 Peter – Fakes get exposed, Jesus claps; He’s the prophets’ daystar, lighting the way.
  23. 1 John – Love’s the move, clowns lose; Jesus is Psalms’ love bop, in 3D.
  24. 2 John – Love up, dodge fakes; Jesus is Malachi’s truth plug, no cap.
  25. 3 John – Church bully’s pressed, John’s over it; Jesus is the head, no prophecy needed now.
  26. Jude – Creeps sneak, Jesus yeets; He’s Moses’ deliverer, sorting the vibes.
  27. Revelation – Jesus wins, world’s cooked, new drip; Every scroll’s tea lands—He’s the Alpha and Omega, fam!
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The “Least of These” Ain’t Poor Folk

Governor Tim Walz recently cited Matthew 25:40—”To the least among you, you do of me”—to back immigration legislation. Many Christians apply this verse to the poor or marginalized and they’re wrong for doing so.

Jesus does call us to care for the poor—’Love your neighbor’ (Matt. 22:39)—but that’s not the point of Matthew 25:40. It’s a right truth taken from the wrong text.

Isn’t This a Bit Nit-Picky?

You might ask, ‘If it inspires care for the poor, does the text matter?’ Yes, it really matters a lot. First, loving God means listening His words, not twisting them. Your spouse doesn’t it like it when you do that, God doesn’t either (2 Peter 3:16). Second, modeling misinterpretation teaches others to misread Scripture. Third, forcing our ideas into a given text risks distorting the Bible to speak of our priorities and to miss God’s priorities. Speaking a true thing from a wrong text is better than speaking an altogether false thing, but not by much.

So, what is Jesus teaching here?

Who Are the “Least of These?”

The least of these is not about how we treat poor or suffering folks in general (even less about a specific public policy, Mr. Governor), but about how we treat Christians being persecuted for their faith. Here are four reasons why.

(1) What They’re Called. Jesus calls them “my brothers” in Matthew 25:40, which refers to his followers or disciples (e.g. Matthew 12:48-50), not the poor.

(2) What They’re Experiencing. Many of the actions mentioned—visiting the imprisoned or hungry—align with the experiences of disciples suffering because of their trust in Christ and not a broad social welfare mandate or sentiment.

(3) Why Some Are Judged. In this passage, Jesus judges the unbelieving nations (the goats) based on their treatment of his followers (i.e. the sheep). Salvation is evidenced not by one’s relationship to the poor in general, but their to Jesus’ people specifically.

(4) What They Ask. Both believers and unbelievers are shocked by Jesus’ pronouncement of them and ask, “When did we treat you this way?” Jesus’ answer is their treatment of his people (i.e. his brothers, believers) was their treatment of him. Jesus intimately identifies with his people. Jesus’ makes this clear in other places.

He asks Paul, the man who persecuted Christians, “Why are you persecuting me?” (Acts 9:1-5).

Jesus sends his disciples out to preach and says, “Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me” (Matthew 10:40).

At the last supper, Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me” (John 13:20).

The point is clear, what we do to his people because they’re Christians, we do to him. Therefore, this underlines the point above: the “least of these” whom are treated as representatives of Jesus, those Jesus calls “his brothers”, are believers.

While Jesus commands care for the poor elsewhere (e.g., Matthew 22:39), Matthew 25:40 has a narrower scope: not the world, but the church.

Don’t Neglect Jesus

Why is this important? If we make this passage about the poor in general, it can easily cause one to care for the world (which isn’t bad) while neglecting to care for the church (which is bad). To use Jesus’ own teaching here: misreading this passage can cause us to care for the poor and neglect caring for Jesus.

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The Ten Commandments Are Good, Actually

When I was a young Christian I began reading a lot. A lot of Bible and a lot of theology. I picked up some old confessions of faith where the brightest of my Christian ancestors worked together to summarize what the Bible taught about various important matters.

In reading those confessions, I couldn’t help but notice that most—if not all—included an exposition of the Ten Commandments. In my early experience, many well-meaning Christians taught me that the Ten Commandments were just for the Jews so I didn’t need to dwell on them. Better to stick to the New Testament. Moreover, most believers I knew at that time could barely name two or three of the ten commands. By word and deed, I was taught to see the Ten Commandments as a relic of yesterday and not a treasure for today.

I was wrong.

The Ten Commands Are Good, Actually

Like God’s promises, God’s commands are good, actually. The Ten Commandments reveal God’s never changing character and are morally binding upon all people at all times in all places. Yes, they also show us our sin (and that hurts), but knowing the bad news about our sin causes us to finally look up to see the glory of the gospel of our salvation! Even more, the Law’s practical wisdom guides us to live a life that will only grow richer, not poorer. As the Psalmist says, “The Law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimonies of the Lord are sure, making wise the simple” (Psalm 19:7-11). The man who meditates and walks according to them is blessed (Psalm 1:1-2). The Law of God isn’t a burden, but a blessing.

You may be thinking, “How can a list of prohibitions be so good or ‘revive my soul'” (Ps. 19:7)? I understand that. To the superficial reader, the commands seem only to be explicit “no’s”: “no murder” or “no stealing” or “no lying.” However, all the “thou shalt nots” carry hidden “thou shalts.” Behind “no murder” there is a “yes, care about people.” Behind “no stealing” you should hear a “yes, respect people.” Behind “no, adultery” there is a hearty, “Be faithful to people.” In these Ten Words, God is essentially saying, “Avoid the wrong and pursue the good.” All the “no’s” carry implied “yeses”. God gave His Ten Commandments not as a stern checklist of what not to do, but as a living map on how to worship God and love others.

Let me show you how.

The First Table: A Guide to Worship

As you likely know, God gave Moses ten commandments written on two tablets. The first has to with our worship of God and the second our love of neighbor. Jesus offered the best summary of both tables: love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-39). So, the two “great commandments” aren’t new, they’re just fresh ways of summarizing the old Ten Commandments God gifted his people with at Sinai.

Surprisingly, you’ll notice the list of ten doesn’t start with a command, but a proclamation of the basis of our worship: the gospel that God saves sinners who trust Him.

The Prologue: The Basis of Worship

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery” (Exodus 20:2). Before any command, God declares Himself our Deliverer. Isn’t that a comfort? Worship begins here—with the One who’s saved us and how he saved us. It’s a grounding truth: we adore Him because He first loved us. Paul underlines this same reality in Romans where he unpacks the good news of God’s saving grace in Romans 1-11 and then turns to show believers how to live “by the mercies of God” (Romans 12:1). Our obedience isn’t toward salvation, but from it; it isn’t the grounds of salvation, but its fruit.

So how do the saved live?

Commandment 1: The Object of Worship

“You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). This one’s a call to focus: Him alone, no rivals. We all catch ourselves sometimes chasing little gods—worry, ambition, material possessions, status—but this command pulls us back to the one from Whom and for Whom we exist.

Commandment 2: The Manner of Worship

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image” (Exodus 20:4). God won’t be boxed in or tamed by our hands. We often like to customize the way we worship to what is convenient or comfortable for us, but God calls us to love Him as He wants to be loved. By all means, enjoy and honor God in all areas of life – on your hikes, at sunsets, reading novels, or having coffee with friends, but don’t neglect the ways He’s instructed you to worship Him. God doesn’t want improvised, but faithful worship; on His terms, not ours.

Commandment 3: The Heart of Worship

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain” (Exodus 20:7, ESV). Though this command is often reduced to not using God’s name as a cuss word, it’s not limited to that. It’s about reverence, the heart from which our words pour out. Careless speech about God is a symptom of careless worship of God. God isn’t offended by our careless words about Him as much as the careless heart that provides it. To say it positively, it is heart worship, not lip worship, that God cares about.

Commandment 4: The Time of Worship

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy” (Exodus 20:8). This one’s a gift—a pause button in a frantic world. I’m inclined to fill my days with exhausting work on earthward things, but God says, “Set aside and be serious about the one day I’ve given you each week for special rest for your body and worship of me from your soul.” God has scheduled our gathered worship into our calendars and we neglect this at the peril of our body and soul.

In this table, God doesn’t simple say to love Him with all our heart, but how. In the next table, God instructs us on how to love our neighbor.

The Second Table: A Call to Love

Like the first four, these commands aren’t just “don’ts”—they’re “do’s” in disguise, painting a picture of love lived out. In her famous song, Cher once sang, “What is love?” In the second table, God answers.

Commandment 6: The Work of Love

“You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13). More than avoiding harm, this calls us to labor for the good of people in our reach; not to harm, but to protect and nurture their life. It shows us love isn’t a feeling, but an action. It has hands and feet. If your love isn’t working to better people’s character or circumstances, it isn’t love at all.

Commandment 7: The Commitment of Love

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). Faithfulness is the heartbeat here. True love stays true. In a world of broken promises, this calls us to honor our obligations to spouse, family, church, workplace, and neighbor. Genuine love doesn’t fall or fade with our feelings, but is steadfastly committed rain or shine, good or bad, thick or thin. It says, “I love you today and I will continue to love you tomorrow no matter what. It’s a high and beautiful bar to live up to, don’t you think?

Commandment 8: The Respect of Love

“You shall not steal” (Exodus 20:15). This is about respecting the rights of others and reminding ourselves it they’re not ours to take. We don’t take our work hours to use them for solitaire. We don’t take the hard earned money of other people. We take ourselves or our resources away from the church family God has called us to. We are to practice love that doesn’t grab, but gives.

Commandment 9: The Truthfulness of Love

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). Loving my neighbor means speaking truly to them – guarding us against lies, false accusations, convenient exaggerations or half-truths. It also means speaking truly about them – guarding against slander, gossip, and bitter speech intending to hurt or destroy. When someone does something evil or foolish, God teaches to have a kind of love that chooses to say the hard (and sometimes hurtful) true thing to help them change instead of the easy lie that will comfortably enable them to continue in their folly. Truth is the language love.

Commandment 10: The Contentment of Love

“You shall not covet” (Exodus 20:17). We love others well when we rest in what God gives. Our culture’s guide to happiness is to travel the road of “more” with the promise it will lead to the land of happiness. Instead, love walks the road of contentment and doesn’t seek what isn’t ours to have. A covetous heart anxiously seeks happiness by collecting things for King Me, but love contentedly and cheerfully cares for others in the Name of King Jesus.

A Lamp Unto My Feet

The Psalmist sang it well, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:105). It is God’s Word – yes, His Law – that helps us know not only to love God and others, but how. They’re not as much rules as they are lamps, lighting the way to worship God rightly and love others well. We all trip over them often—our heart veers, our tongue slips—but the One who saved us by His blood will be faithful to guide us by His Spirit to walk the path of his perfect Law.

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The Gift of Hard

Life is full of hardships. Spouses hurt us. Children frustrate and overwhelm us. Our bosses sometimes demand much and offer little. Our churches are imperfect. Exercising and eating well is not always enjoyable. Our own sin daily wars against us. Life is hard.

Our normal response is to complain or do all we can to ignore, avoid, and get rid of the hard things. Why would anyone do otherwise? But, what if we stopped seeing hardships as obstacles to avoid and saw them as they are: gifts from God to grow us? James teaches us:

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces… that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4).

Difficulties, and the pain we feel from them, are God’s sand paper that shapes us more into His image. The hard things we face daily—whether they test our patience, self-control, love, or courage—aren’t things to go around, but opportunities to grow through. Hard things aren’t God’s curses, they’re His gifts.

If you trust God enough to adopt this mindset, you’re life will never be the same.

How to Receive God’s Gift of Hard

Consider this: choosing to tackle the “good hard things” every day can make them easier over time. As we practice, we build skills and grow in virtues that actually make us more like Jesus. Let’s make it concrete:

If you’re working on self-control, try practicing the hard work of denying yourself the indulgences you crave and instead choose what you need. You might stumble often—failure is part of the process—but with each act of self-control in small ways, you’ll notice real growth over time and be able to exercise it in other more significant areas.

Patience is another virtue that requires daily, even hourly, practice. If you’re a parent, this might mean staying calm as you discipline and respond to your screaming children instead of reacting in frustration and shrieking back at them. It’s not easy, and you’ll likely fail more than you succeed at first, but persistence will cultivate a deeper sense of peace and understanding.

The skill of Christ-like love, too, grows in us only through sacrificial, difficult action. Instead of focusing on what’s in it for you, practice doing good for others each day. It could be a small act of kindness or a significant sacrifice—either way, the consistent effort will strengthen your capacity to love selflessly.

Similarly, grace can become second nature if you choose to extend forgiveness to those who’ve hurt you and shown remorse, rather than holding them to an impossible standard that you yourself can’t even live up to.

Courage isn’t reserved for grand gestures; it’s built in our character only through daily acts of bravery necessitated through hard times. Face the scary but good thing—whether it’s saying the needed thing to your friend or stepping out of your comfort zone to serve your church or finally having that needed conversation with your spouse—and let fear take a backseat. Over time, this practice will put steel into your spine and make you more confident in facing life’s bigger challenges that will inevitably come.

Justice, too, requires consistent effort. Practice holding everyone to the same standard, resisting the urge to bend the rules for those who are loud, influential, or intimidating. This commitment to fairness, even when it’s difficult, will help you build a life of integrity.

The hard things we encounter aren’t punishments—they’re opportunities. God gives us these challenges to refine us, to make us better. The question is: are you receiving this gift of hard or rejecting it?

Growth isn’t instantaneous, and failure is inevitable. But with daily, hourly work of facing the hard things in Christ-like ways, you’ll find the virtues you seek growing steadily within you: self-control, patience, love, grace, courage, and justice. You’ll stumble. You’ll falter. You’ll grow. As you grow, you’ll discover the rich life of being like Jesus.

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