For Those That Don’t Feel Connected at Church

shutterstock_disconnectHave you been attending your church without ever connecting with others in a significant way? Does your fellowship at church consist of no more than a few small conversations on a Sunday followed by a week of no contact? If so, you are not alone. There are a lot of folks who attend churches without having any kind of meaningful connection with others. They attend the services, possibly chat a little bit with familiar faces, but then live completely detached and disconnected from their church until they return again next Sunday.

If this is true for your life, I offer the wise counsel from a recent piece by Pastor Erik Raymond. He offers nine ways for you (the disconnected) to connect more deeply with your church.

1) Pray to be impressed with God’s design in the church.

2) Go to church on Sundays.

3) Talk to 3 people that you do not know at church.

4) Open up your home to have someone over (hospitality).

5) Find opportunities to serve in ministry.

6) Pray for your pastors, deacons and fellow church family.

7) Talk to people about Jesus and invite them to church.

8) Be content with the ordinary means of grace (preaching, prayer, Lord’s supper, etc.).

9) Restart process.

The way ahead is always service through humility. God knows what he is doing with and through the church. We need to trust him, and, most often, get to work. If you are feeling disconnected or counseling those who are feeling this way, I challenge you to take an honest crack at this list. I think it will do the trick.

Don’t wait for others to do the hard work of connecting with you. I hope and pray they will, but please don’t sit and wait for others to make the first moves. Hear Jesus call you into fellowship with His people and obey Him remembering His commands are designed for your joy. Work to build relationships with those within your church. Invite them into your life and seek to bless theirs.

The Pilgrim’s life is not an easy one and we cannot do it alone. We need each another in much more significant ways than a once-a-week-catchup-conversation can offer.

About Dana Dill

I am a happy slave to Jesus, thankful husband to Chawna, delighted daddy to Daisy Jane, Penny Lane, and Lottie Jo. I teach at Capo Valley Christian School & Biola University. I'm here on assignment (Acts 20:24).
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2 Responses to For Those That Don’t Feel Connected at Church

  1. Kathryn Wright says:

    I feel more comfortable with this 12 step group (which has God at the center of their program) than I do going to church. At.Bible study tonight, several said something like “I’m not sure I should share this”, this was in regard to being a little more transparent with one another. How sad. I feel alone at church,.as.only a few talk to me, if that.

    I am thinking about leaving there. There have been numerous times when people were actually rude. The indifference shown to me is palpable.

    Once a upon a time, the word “weird” wasn’t said as.much as it is. And. Christian’s act no differently than the unbelievers in that they judge others in church whom they deem to be “different”. I wonder.if the loss of reward that some people will experience.may have something to do with this–not teaching out to the lonely on their midst.

    • Dana Dill says:

      Kathryn, I am glad you feel comfortable with a God-centered 12-step group. That’s a gift. I resonate with your experience of superficial relationships often had at church and with your experience of rude folks. But, if I could ask a question, what if God wants to offer you more than just saying you’re his child, but actually wants you to join his family? To be under the loving-care of pastors who shepherd according to His Word (Ephesians 4:11-12; 1 Peter 5:1-4), strengthened by the love of others wanting (albeit, not perfectly executing) to encourage you, build you up, stir you up, bear with you, meet with you, break bread with you, be hospitable to you, etc., and to have a ministry where you can use your spiritual gifts for the common good of that church family (1 Cor. 12:7).

      In a word, I just want to encourage you to not reject the family God loves. As with every family, each local church will have weaknesses and will sin against you. But, as with anyone in a family, I am unsure the best counsel would be, “Just leave your family.” Jesus doesn’t do that and I think his may be a life-giving model to follow.

      May God’s blessings abound to you!

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