Yesterday, I wrote about common masculine sins. Today, I’d like to write about pitfalls common to the ladies, the sins familiar to the feminine kind. As I started to prepare for this piece, I noticed something unusual.

Are Women Off-Limits?

I shared with a friend that I was planning to write this post. His one word response was, “Gnarly.” I totally understood why.

I had no problem writing about the sins of men, but I found myself hesitant to write this post. Not only hesitant, but even a little fearful. Part of that may be because I am, without question, a man and not a woman. But I think there’s a deeper reason for my caution: our culture doesn’t take kindly to anyone suggesting that women might not be perfect or that they, too, have blind spots just like their male counterparts. Whether it’s a reaction to the abuses of a male-dominated past or the lingering influence feminism has had on our collective conscience, the result is the same: people today seem far more comfortable criticizing masculine folly than feminine folly.

One pastor noted this by saying there’s a modern dogma “that says that in the ‘give and take’ between the sexes, the man should simply concentrate on taking and not giving at all.” I think I see that in the wild. For men, we toss around phrases like toxic masculinity and hear accusations of being man-boys, lost boys, chauvinists, and misogynists. But how often do you hear a woman called sexist or a misandrist? The fact that you probably had to look that last word up proves the point. We rightly hear of men’s propensities to laziness, abuse, abdication, and abandonment, but can you name common ills identified among women? We seem to live in a cultural moment where men are routinely the butt of jokes, the assumed source of societal problems, and the target of widespread frustration, but the darker side of womanhood is almost entirely overlooked.

This isn’t a gripe session about how mean people are to men. Rather, it’s an attempt to highlight a unique danger women face in our wider culture today: a lack of loving accountability. When people are unwilling to address feminine blind spots, those blind spots only deepen. If no one tells you there’s spinach in your teeth, it stays there all day. In the same way, if women don’t humbly and intentionally seek correction for the harmful habits unique to their station, they’re unlikely to find it in the cultural waters we’re swimming in.

Identifying Feminine Sins

Paul wrote, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). I want to build my sisters up in a fitting way. Yet, as in construction, building up often requires tearing down the decaying parts first. Growing requires both learning what’s helpful and unlearning what’s unhelpful. It is the latter Paul will helps us with here.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, ⁴ and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:1-5

As we noted when thinking about masculine sins, Paul is giving Titus wisdom to teach to different kinds the believers in his church. By reverse engineering his exhortations in verse 3, we can find dangers that women are particularly—though not exclusively—vulnerable to in their feminine station.

It is helpful to note his first instruction is general: “Older women are to be reverent in behavior” (v. 3). Women—like men—are to act honorably in a way that fits their identity as image bearers and redeemed children of God. Their standard of womanhood should not be what other women think or do in real life or on social media, but what God says. Matthew Henry says:

“Women are to hear and learn their duty from the word, as well as the men: there is not one way of salvation for one sex and another for the other. Both men and women must learn and practice the same things, both as aged and as Christians; the virtues and duties are common.”

This is sets the stage for the specific ways women can easily fall short of that standard if not careful or discerning about their thoughts or habits.

1. Slander (As Opposed to Honest Speech)

One of my theology professors once said, “Flattery is saying things to someone you would never say behind their back. Gossip is saying things behind someone’s back that you would never say to their face.” Women, when walking in the flesh, are particularly prone to the latter. A wife may feel annoyed when her husband forgets or fails to mention the juicy details of a friend’s marital struggles. When drama arises in social circles, women often feel a natural pull to analyze, comment, and share their perspective. If someone hurt her, she finds solace in speaking to other confidants about the wrong done to her without no plan to speak to the offender. For some women, refusing to listen to their incisive commentary or cutting remarks about others, or declining to blindly support their perspective, is seen as “taking the other person’s side” or being a bad friend. Whether we call it a vent session, spilling the tea, or girl talk, this tendency toward gossip is a real danger.

I don’t think this inclination is always rooted in malice. Like men, women’s greatest weaknesses are their strengths overplayed. It seems the tendency to gossip can often arise from relational attentiveness and emotional intelligence, which are gifts God gives women to nurture, connect, and influence. Without careful self-examination, however, these gifts can be misused, turning natural curiosity and care into gossip that damages reputations and trust.

So Paul exhorts, “Older women likewise are not slanderers” (Titus 2:3). Women should grow in skill at to using their relational sensitivity for good: to speak encouragingly, compassionately, wisely, and, above all, truthfully to and about others. A helpful rule of thumb is to ask before speaking about someone: “Would I say this in their presence?” or “Would I be horrified if they found out I said this?” If the answer is yes, don’t share it. you would not say it in their presence, do not say it in their absence. There are times when speaking about someone in their absence is necessary, such as seeking wisdom on how to care for them, but this is very different from simply talking about someone without any intention of helping or building them up.

James tells us that our tongues are the most powerful thing we have (James 3:1-4). Solomon says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21). This, along with the relational insight and emotional intuitiveness of women make for a powerful combo for great good or great harm. For your joy, others’ good, and God’s glory, dear sisters, speak life.

2. Addiction (As Opposed to Internal Contentment)

In our passage, Paul says women are not to be, “slaves to much wine.” However, addiction isn’t only related to alcohol, but anything women may rely on to be content. When it comes to the stats, research suggests that women are more likely than men to turn to external tools or outlets to cope with stress and life’s challenges. Women spend more time on social media, averaging about 62.6 minutes per day on social apps compared to 49.5 minutes for men. They also report higher levels of dependency. They also use prescription medication at disproportionately higher rates. According to the National Health Interview Survey, 15.3% of adult women took medication for depression in 2023, compared with 7.4% of men. More than double. Interestingly:

“Valium was originally advertised to women who felt a need to cope. An early ad promoted the drug this way:”Advertisements for Valium and other benzodiazepines in the ’60s and ’70s were, by today’s standards, shockingly brazen in their depiction of stereotypical women who might be saved from their disappointing lives by popping pills. Valium was touted as a drug that would sweep away your depression and anxiety, allowing you to be your ‘true self’.”

On the consumer side, in a systematic study, the National Library of Medicine recognized, “Women are more affected by Compulsive Buying-Shopping Disorder than men.” These combined patterns suggest women have a tendency for coping with digital engagement, pharmaceuticals, or retail consumption in ways men don’t.

You may see this data play out in everyday life. Many women speak of needing a little retail therapy to cope with the constant responsibilities or relational drama that press on them. Social media is filled with mommy-influencers describing how “overstimulated” they feel by day’s end and how they need a spa day, a getaway, or a drink just to unwind. Others fall into the habit of scrolling to escape boredom or irritation. When life feels chaotic on the outside, it often creates chaos on the inside, and without discernment it is easy to reach for quick comforts to cope.

That’ Enough for Now

Paul has more to say to help sisters resist the unique temptations of womanhood and walk in wisdom. We will return to that in part two. But in case you suspect I am writing more about women than men because I have an axe to grind, let me explain. This section on womanly sins is in two parts for two reasons. The first is simple: Paul says more about women here than men. Second, I thought it was worth mentioning the strange double standard in how we often talk about men’s faults versus women’s. That took up a bit of the word count. But, I’ve no axe to grind. Women, especially those in my family, are the sources of many of my life’s deepest joys. My aim is not to burden anyone—men or women alike—but to help us see where grace aims to heal, strengthen, and set us free.