Empathy is having a moment. It’s often leveraged to shame believers away from speaking or even thinking about certain topics. To question it or critique it can sound heartless, unchristian, or cruel. After all, aren’t Christians supposed to care? To weep with those who weep? To love our neighbors?

Yes. Absolutely.

But, and remember this, not every form of empathy is good. Some forms of empathy, especially when detached from truth, can deform Christian judgment, discipleship, and even love itself. It wears a pretty mask and carries an ugly dagger.

That’s why two recent works, one by Joe Rigney (The Sin of Empathy: Compassion and Its Counterfeits) and the other by Allie Beth Stuckey (Toxic Empathy: How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion) are worth your careful attention. Both identify, describe, and push against the current cultural version of empathy that feels virtuous and seems Christian but, in reality, is neither.

What Is “Bad Empathy”?

Bad empathy isn’t caring too much. It’s caring in the wrong way.

Joe Rigney draws a distinction between traditional Christian sympathy (or compassion) and what he calls “the sin of empathy.” He describes the sin of empathy as an excess of compassion that dulls judgment and detach believers from truth. This kind of empathy sweeps us “off our feet” and is “unmoored from truth, goodness, and reality” (p. xiv). It leads us away from wisdom, causes us to lose sight of what’s really good for ourselves and others, and makes us primed for manipulation. It doesn’t help, but actually hinders our ability to love.

Allie Beth Stuckey calls the phenomenon “toxic empathy.” She argues that empathy has been co-opted culturally to push or protect choice political stances (e.g. abortion, gender, immigration, social justice) as the only compassionate choices. Stuckey points out that this kind of empathy is often used to manipulate believers to affirm positions based on how others feel rather than what God has lovingly revealed in his Word.

It’s worth remembering that God alone can create and all he creates is good. Satan, on the other hand, cannot create, but only distort God’s good creation. Today, his distorting work seems especially evident in the way the virtue of compassion is being twisted into something harmful and dangerous.

Why This Matters for Christians

Recognizing the existence and damage of this kind of empathy is important not so we can win our political debates on Facebook, but so we can live and love wisely in Christ. It isn’t a political issue. At its core, it’s a discipleship issue.

Bad empathy shows up in much modern parenting decisions when our actions are determined by the goal of, “I don’t want to upset my kids.” Pastors can avoid saying what’s needed in fear of it hurting feelings. In important conversations about sexuality, justice, or immigration, normal Christians will feel cowed away from affirming out self-evident truths like, “It is good to have strong national borders” or “A man cannot become a woman” in fear of harming the marginalized, causing trauma, or being accused as heartless.

Though this kind of empathy looks and feels loving, in reality, it withholds what people actually need. Jesus never sets love against truth. He teaches that love requires truth. Sometimes the only way to know who truly loves you is by noticing who is willing to say the hard, painful, but necessary thing. At times, enemies offer kisses while friends deliver wounds (Proverbs 27:6).

Insights Worth Remembering

From both books, a few insights stand out as worthy to remember:

• Compassion is not emotional surrender. Christians are called to care deeply for others according to the truth without being emotionally hijacked.
• Feelings are real, but not authoritative. Emotional identification alone does not and cannot determine truth.
• Love sometimes says “no.” Any kind of empathy that compels Christians to affirm what God calls sinful is distorted, dangerous, and deadly.
• Truth orders empathy. Empathy must not rewrite truth. Our care for others must groundeed in reality expressed most clearly by biblical wisdom rather than cultural sentiment or how someone may feel about it. By all means, speak the truth as gently and wisely as possible, but make sure it is truth you’re actually speaking.
• Jesus is our model. Even casual readers of the New Testament will see Jesus was simultaneously full of mercy and truth. He was never manipulated into acting or speaking from hijacked emotion or how he may come off. He spoke the truth from love and loved people to the truth.

Be Prepared

Bad empathy will show up in your life. It’s inevitable. It will arrive wearing the costume of care, justice, and love and it will ask you to trade discernment for sentimentality. Are you prepared to face it?

This doesn’t mean Christians need colder hearts. It does mean we need wiser ones. If we want to love well amidst the confusion, we must learn to resist counterfeit compassion and recover a love that is both tender and rooted in truth.