One note for my readers, if you have strong emotional reaction to the following, make sure to read the linked essay. Don’t let your emotional reaction determine what you deem to be true.
In the work of youth pastoring, questions about sex, dating, and relationships come up often and I am glad for it. It is my joy and privilege to help my students walk through the tumultuous waters called relationships. Some of the common questions I’ll get are…
When and how should I date?
What does the Bible say about sex?
What should pre-marital relationships look like?
What should I do if I find a boy/girl attractive?
What should I look for in a spouse?
Among the many good questions that are asked, I know there is one question that is rarely asked, but, I bet, is frequently thought about. What question is that?
Is making out a sin?
Should non-married Christians partake in kissing of the French persuasion? Is it OK for them to play a few rounds of tonsil-hockey? Is Jesus pleased when His redeemed partake in the tongue tango?
Now, in today’s sexualized culture, this question is laughable to many. Making out, by today’s insane sexual standard, is akin to holding hands or even hugging for that extra second. However, as Christians, we are called to not conform to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2). We must be in the world, but not of the world; being sanctified by truth, not seduced by lies (John 17:14-19). So what does the renewed mind think about making out?
A Serious Answer
Not wanting to disappoint, but I will not be teasing out the specifics here. However, I do want to offer you one answer I think all Christians need to think long and hard about. It is offered in an essay by a pastor named Gerald Hiestand. His thesis is:
[F]idelity to the trajectory and ethic of Scripture necessitates reserving any and all sexual activity for the marriage relationship. Or to state it again, the New Testament conveys—both theologically and exegetically—that all premarital relationships are to be completely non-sexual. Or one more time: premarital “making out” is a sin. (p. 14).
In the essay, he argues as follows:
1) All sexual activity must be reserved for the marriage relationship.
2) Some forms of kissing are sexual. Therefore,
3) Sexual forms of kissing must be reserved for the marriage relationship. (p. 19)
Again, I am not wanting you to just agree and move on, but I want to challenge you, my beloved reader, to think deeply about the topic of sexual purity in a sexually impure world. If you are unmarried, this has direct affect on how you date. If you are married, this will affect the counsel you offer others in dating. This affects how we instruct our children and the church’s youth. We need to think long and hard; making sure our answers are God’s answers.
I believe that the church has purchased far too much from the world when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. It is about time we grab our receipts and return our purchases.
Read the whole essay here. Make sure to check out his book here.
HT: Andy Naselli
A Pilgrim's Friend 
“Is Making Out a Sin?”? No
Indeed, no. For a man who is considering marrying a woman, I’d say please don’t disappoint her. If she’s longing to kiss passionately, kiss her! Let her know how you feel and show her she can trust you and also that you can please her.
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I don’t believe making out is a sin, so long as it’s an expression of love between a couple and they are both comfortable with that. Yes, there often or usually is a sexual component to making out. But sexual attraction to someone you’re considering marrying isn’t wrong. That’s normal and a sign that someone is a good partner. That desire should be channeled to looking forward to marriage and sexually consummating the relationship. Passionate kissing can help a couple express those feelings that they have while restraining themselves from sex acts. It also can identify issues or hang ups that they have to work through, and see if their partner will respect boundaries.
Thank for the comment! The issue isn’t being sexually attracted, but participating in sexual conduct. I agree that it’s good to be sexually attracted to someone you’re considering marrying, but you shouldn’t engage in sexual conduct with them until you’re married.
The question is, “Is making out sexual?” If yes, then making out with someone not your spouse would be sexually immoral – that is, engaging in activity outside of marriage that is reserved for marriage alone.
If you read the piece, I think that argument will become clear so you can consider it further.
I understand the argument. I used to have similar reasoning myself. But I don’t find it convincing anymore. You yourself say that there’s nothing wrong with having sexual feelings towards one’s SO. I therefore don’t think expressing those physically is necessarily wrong, either. Someone might find hand-holding to stir those feelings, too. Yes, you shouldn’t have sex with them, but not everything that’s sexually charged is having sex.
I understand the argument. I used to have similar reasoning myself. But I don’t find it convincing anymore. You yourself say that there’s nothing wrong with having sexual feelings towards one’s SO. I therefore don’t think expressing those physically is necessarily wrong, either. Someone might find hand-holding to stir those feelings, too. Yes, you shouldn’t have sex with them, but not everything that’s sexually charged is having sex.
Thanks for the reply.
I am interested, do you think “sex” (which I assume you mean the procreative activity) is the only thing that counts as sexual?
Sorry, my reply came in as a separate comment, see above
Anything with bare genitals is sex. Other activities are sexually intimate to varying degrees. Once private parts get involved, it’s a form of sex.
Thanks for the reply. So, you’d be ok if your spouse made out with someone else as long as there were no genitals involved? What if a brother did so with his sister? Or, would that be wrong? If so, why would it be wrong if it isn’t sexual or romantic (which is behavior from and leading to sexual desire).
I wouldn’t be okay with my spouse holding hands, hugging, or kissing the cheek of someone as a romantic affair rather than as a friend. I wouldn’t be okay with them dating someone while married to me. So this isn’t an accurate comparison. Likewise, it wouldn’t be appropriate for a brother and sister to view each other as marital prospects.
All of the above would be appropriate for two unrelated singles looking to possibly marry, yes?