In reflecting on seven lessons learned from over thirty years of pastoral ministry, Mark Altrogge makes a point that applies for us all: disagreement is not disloyalty.

Sadly, strong leaders can sometimes interpret disagreement as disloyalty. But we shouldn’t be offended when others question or challenge us. In fact, healthy disagreement is often a sign of mutual respect and care. Husbands, if your wife disagrees with you, that doesn’t mean she’s not supportive. It likely means she’s helping you see what you’ve missed. Pastors, you don’t always have to be right. A fellow pastor recently pointed out some weaknesses in my life, not to criticize or undermine me, but because he genuinely cares and wants to help me grow.

How do you respond when someone disagrees with you? Do you treat disagreement as disloyalty or as an invitation to sharper thinking and deeper humility? Do you scold those who challenge you or thank them for giving you a second chance to see if you’re missing something? Instead of shutting down conflict, might wisdom call you to lean into it, whispering in your ear, “Listen closely, they might be right”? Thinking this way won’t always resolve the disagreement nor does it mean they’re view is always right. You may still walk away unconvinced, but don’t you think that everything will be better off for not confusing their disagree as disloyalty?

Many of us carry a strange, unspoken belief: our friends will always agree with us, and our enemies will always disagree. But the truth is often the opposite. Our real enemies are the ones who don’t love us enough to speak hard, uncomfortable truth when we’re acting foolishly. They care more about their own comfort than our good, so they smile, affirm, and cheer on our stupidity.

True friends, however, love us more than they love their comfort. When needed, they’re willing to confront us, even if it hurts, because they see we’re heading for a cliff. Solomon said it best: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6).

Disagreement, far from being a sign of disloyalty, can be one of the clearest expressions of genuine love.