I wrote this 10 years ago when I didn’t have any kids, but it’s actually good because it isn’t born out of my very limited experience, but by what Scripture says. Though I have changed much in ten years, these truths haven’t

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Full disclosure: I don’t have any kids.

From my experience, I know I don’t have any place in telling parents how to do their parent thing. I have no kids and therefore no parenting experience and therefore nothing to say about parenting from experience. I know this. I accept this.

But, God has given us wisdom even if our years haven’t earned it.

Not What I’ve Done, But What I’ve Observed

But (you knew that was coming didn’t you?), As a youth pastor, I’ve enjoyed two great blessings: to study God and study God’s people. Both have given me a special privilege of stumbling upon wisdom my experience couldn’t yet offer me. God’s Word has taught me his wisdom regarding parenting and God’s people (good parents specifically) have shown me his wisdom in parenting. By reading and watching, I’ve learned some things that experience hasn’t yet taught me, but that I hope to practice in the future and I hope help you in the present.

So, hear ye! Lend me thine ears, ye children shepherds. Heed the parenting advice of a fellow who has no offspring of his own (at least not yet!).

Six Things That Will Bless Your Child

Here are six of the best things I’ve seen parents do as they pastor their children toward a vibrant love for Jesus.

1) Go to Corporate Worship With Your Children

Worship with your children! Let them hear dad sing to Jesus. Let them see mom bow her head in prayer. Let them observe you listen to God’s Word be preached and catch you underlining your Bible and writing down notes. Do not push your child off to youth group while you are in corporate worship with the adults. If you have to choose one or the other, always, always choose the option that has your children with you in Sunday gathering. Worshiping together provides opportunities for discussion throughout the week and lets your child witness your participation with other Christians. This prepares them well for when they are adults. Also, this will help them to not see themselves as a part of the youth group only, but the whole church at large.

2) Pursue Personal Holiness

The best way to shepherd your child toward Jesus is by making sure you are being shepherded by Him first. Yes, they will listen to what you say. Of course, they are going to learn what you teach. But most importantly, your children will be most affected by what affects you most. They will look to who you are looking to. They will pay attention to what captures your attention.

Parents who are actively pursing their own growth in Christ demonstrate to their children Christ’s worth by the way they live their life. If you want godly children, make sure you are working out your own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). Your growth in knowledge, character, obedience, and faithfulness to Jesus is the greatest gift you can give them.

3) Submit to a Local Church

I use this language carefully. Don’t just attend a church, as if it is optional like joining a tennis club, but submit to a local church like it’s your duty (Hebrews 13:17). Begin to view the church as one of your significant spiritual authority (Matthew 18:18). 

What good does this do for the kiddos?

First, it models healthy Christianity as Christ intends. Jesus has saved His people into a body where they have blessings to both receive and give. Churchless Christianity is in direct opposition to Jesus and the instruction of His Word. Churchless parents model deficient Christianity to their children.

Second, submitting to the local church puts your parenting under the loving eye of your pastors (1 Peter 5:1-4) and the accountability of other Christians. Having others point out our blind spots or blunders can save our children from much harm.

Third, a local church will supply you with constant encouragement to parent your children well from pastors and other Christian brothers and sisters (Hebrews 10:25). One of my favorite things to do is encourage weary parents, who is encouraging you?

Fourth, becoming a member of a local church will surround you with other parents you may be able to learn from. And maybe they can learn from you!

Fifth, commitment to a local church will provide your children with numerous other people who are pursuing Jesus faithfully and will love and instruct them too alongside you (see Titus 2:1-10). This way mom and dad aren’t the only Jesus freaks they know.

So, unless you are the one person who doesn’t need anyone’s encouragement or help, submit yourself to a local church. Hear this clearly, your kids need you to be members of a local church. If you need more persuasion about joining a local church, read this.

4) Let Your Children See You Repent

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need to save face before your children; that pretended perfection will earn and maintain their respect. They know you’re not perfect. Pretending you are will only frustrate them. But, they do need to know Jesus is perfect and you’re a sinner in need of His grace and theirs. When you fail them or sin against them, repent by acknowledging it, apologizing for it, and asking their forgiveness. Let them see daddy and mommy aren’t perfect. Let them hear from mommy and daddy about how Jesus came to save sinners just like them. Let your failures become moments to prove your love for them and point them to Jesus’ gospel.

5) Talk About, Pray to, & Cherish Jesus at Home

Never, never, never let Jesus be an unspoken assumption at your home. Don’t turn on the Christianity only when you are at church. Kids dislike duplicity; two-faced people are untrustworthy. They’ll quickly begin to suspect your faith in Jesus only exists at church and, therefore, Jesus isn’t really valuable.

Do whatever you can to make sure Jesus is spoken about frequently and plainly at home. Share with your kids what you are reading in the Bible. Offer your reflections of the pastor’s sermon from Sunday morning. Read them books about the Bible or theology and discuss them. Buy this cd (or this one or this one or this one or this one for little kids) and listen and talk about them. At every meal, give thanks to God for feeding your family and making food delicious. Sing hymns and spiritual songs together. Pray together. Do family worship. Work hard to make your child very comfortable in talking about Jesus with you. This will show them Jesus is important enough to be the center of our family’s life, not just a weekend gig. Let your home be a little church.

6) Give Consistent, Individual Attention to Each of Your Kids

This is especially important if God has given you multiple kids. Don’t let any of your children get lost in the crowd. Each child needs to know they are known and loved by you specifically.  I’ve watched my pastor/mentor/friend/co-laborer-in-the-gospel, Dave Keehn, do this well with his children. Ever since I’ve known him, he has worked hard to give specific, consistent, and intentional face time to each of his kids. He takes his son to special soccer games to watch their favorite team. He takes his daughter to Starbucks to talk about anything on her mind. He takes his youngest son to the park to play. Each child gets time with dad doing something they love.

As you do this, make sure it’s not only reactively. That is, you only spend individual time with them only when they are doing really well or screwing up badly. Make it a consistent practice no matter how “well” they’re doing.  Don’t merely punish them by taking away their time with you or reward them by giving them time. Your love and attention is their right to be honored, not a privilege to be taken away.

Spend individual time with each of your kids. Take them out for donuts or fun coffee drinks. Play catch or go fishing. Go for a walk around the block. Find out what your child likes to do and do it with them.

If you’d like some more thought on this, read this short piece on daddy dates.

So, there you have it, parenting advice from a fella with no kids of his own. Over the years of youth pastoring, I’ve seen these six things as common factors in the lives of the healthiest and happiest and holy-est kids I’ve known. They are in no way the answer, but they’re good answers for those who want to shepherd their children toward Jesus Christ.